Domestic Violence
In response to “Women Are Responsible, Too,” Commentary, by Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski, June 21:
I just can’t wait for the outraged letters to arrive from the politically correct about this unspeakable truth known only to common folks and academics who study “folklore.” May I add another dimension I have observed in 35 years of law practice: When people feel that they cannot get “justice” from the courts, they tend to seek it themselves. When we eliminated “fault” in divorces and sleeping around as relevant to child custody, and everybody moved to California away from friends, family and church, who or what was left to pronounce judgment?
For example, a testosterone-loaded spouse of either sex is faced with the unbearable Angst created by domestic injustice--whether it be breach of the solemn (to some) vows of marriage, taunts like “go ahead and I’ll call the cops and have you in jail” or “you can’t ever see the kids until you pay me,” physical or sexual pain inflicted with “it’s your word against mine,” or any one of numberless ways that spouses physically or mentally torture one another short of leaving marks. In years past, a court’s public pronouncement that the offending spouse was “wrong” and some usually meaningless or trivial sanction to underline the judgment was sufficient to release the tension, to still the taunts of “what are you going to do about it.”
Today, the aggrieved spouse can go crazy or commit murder or mayhem, as two unconvicted public figures, O.J. Simpson and Lorena Bobbitt, at this point, officially did not do. Perhaps the courts and the public would be able to find time to provide for this basic function of law--keeping people from settling their disputes with weapons--if we were not so intent on tying up the judicial system with enforcing old-fashioned tastes in consumption (about 40%) and the long list of boomer social concerns. Perhaps making marital vows enforceable is as important as making merger agreements enforceable. Perhaps the price of political correctness is that we cannot see our real problems anymore.
LAWRENCE MERRYMAN
Costa Mesa
* Thank you so much, Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski. I had forgotten that all these “social” problems, like spousal abuse, should be blamed on “mothers”--oops, I mean “insecure mothers.” Heaven forbid that “girls” acquire any garbage from insecure fathers.
If “men are held fully responsible for all their behavior,” why weren’t O.J. Simpson and countless others held accountable for their actions?
PAMELA MAXWELL
Placentia
* I think Disraeli said it best: “There are lies, damn lies and statistics.”
The attempt to downplay the violence against women and to blame women for the problem is not new. But in 1994, it is really rather disheartening to hear this rubbish being expounded again under the guise of scholarly research. Nowhere in all their selective statistical overkill did I see the numbers for how many men are brutally murdered each day by their wives. For, if I read their article correctly, it is really men who need protection from barbarous women--and this I didn’t know, only men are “held fully accountable for all their behavior.”
Since men are the real victims, maybe these professionals can be called upon to testify in O.J. Simpson’s defense. After all, since Simpson did beat his wife and this pattern of violence may have escalated into these brutal murders, it is not his fault but rather hers. Because her mother probably told her she was worthless, and as the authors stated, “Girls often acquire this garbage from insecure mothers.” It is sad that the only conclusion one can draw from this article is once again, it is the victim’s fault.
ELAINE ALOIA LAMBERT
Long Beach
* I was a battered spouse for 10 years, and so many times I heard the words “if I can’t have you no one can.” Thank God I finally had enough courage to get out of that marriage and situation. It was the hardest and yet the best thing I ever did for myself.
Nicole Simpson has not been off my mind since June 13.
SANDRA K. KARRAM
South Pasadena