Multicultural Manners : Aloofness Belies Mom’s Concern

A Vietnamese woman has just delivered a beautiful healthy baby boy. Nurse Crane, her delivery attendant, is puzzled when the new mother ignores the baby after she presents him to her. On the hospital records, Nurse Crane describes the mother’s response as “Bonding: 0.”

What went wrong?

Nurse Crane did not know that many Asian people believe a baby is in grave danger when first born. To recognize its presence by fussing over it would bring too much attention, which might place the baby in jeopardy, a concept related to the evil eye.

The Vietnamese mother was not unconcerned about her baby. On the contrary, she cared so much for her child she went through the charade of ignoring him to safeguard his life from what she perceived as perilous influences. When Nurse Crane later discovered her misinterpretation of the situation at a hospital-sponsored cross-cultural awareness workshop, she felt regretful.

In the 1992 film “Indochine,” the same attitude toward babies was echoed in actress Catherine Deneuve’s comments about a newly born Vietnamese baby. “The evil spirits are listening,” the character said. “If we say we like him, they will harm him.”

People from many cultures are reluctant to draw attention to a baby for fear of attracting misfortune. After complimenting a child’s physical attributes, many American Jews try to protect the baby by saying kain ayinhore , which translates as “not one evil eye.”

Rule: A seeming lack of demonstrated affection for a child may have different meanings for people from other cultures.

Norine Dresser is a folklorist and author of “I Felt Like I Was From Another Planet,” (Addison Wesley). Tell her your experiences c/o Voices.