Surviving Those Wonder Years

Early adolescence is a pivotal phase, marked by great variation in physical development and acute emotional sensitivity. Youngsters are apt to test the limits of adult authority, seek greater independence and argue. At the same time, they may be immature and clingy.

Experts say these children require a variety of activities to meet specific developmental needs:

* Positive social interaction with adults and peers. Conformity to peers is important but is based mostly on superficialities. Kids still want and value parents’ opinions and guidance on basic values.

If parents cannot afford $200 sneakers, for instance, they should be honest about it. Parents need to take time to listen when kids want to talk about their concerns. They are advised to give kids slack over merely disturbing behaviors--such as those involving hair, dress or music--and to focus more on the disturbed ones, such as drug use.

* Structure and clear limits. Parents need to let kids get together with less-than-total supervision, but they must set limits based on safety. For children who are in dangerous circumstances, having a protective, controlling parent may keep a child alive. Otherwise, a gentle, understanding, but firm approach is best.

* Competence, achievement and creative expression. Parents should help kids identify talents and achieve, encouraging after-school activities or providing tutors if necessary. Schools need to provide high-quality instruction and high-interest exploratory courses with positive expectations, meaningful rewards and praise.

* Physical activity. Parents should be good role models in valuing physical activity and, if possible, participate together. Schools need to provide intramural sports or other exercise activities that involve students of all sizes and abilities.

* Meaningful participation in their families, schools and communities. Even parents overwhelmed by work can verbally encourage participation in service projects or student councils and committees.

* Self-definition. Parents can help kids understand their own roots and appreciate the different backgrounds of others. Diaries can be helpful.

“The toughest thing for parents to come to grips with is that their kids are growing up,” said pediatrician Frank Loda, director of the Center for Early Adolescence at the University of North Carolina. Often, he added, they need to set aside time to rethink their own youthful struggles to avoid hidden agendas and reliving the problems of their past.