‘Everything for Everybody’: Variety Spices Singles’ Lives : Poll: 7 in 10 consider the county an excellent or good place for them. Activities seem to be the major attraction.
Is Orange County a good place to be single?
“That’s why I’m here,” said Kim Stahler, 25, of Corona del Mar, who grew up in Northern California, went to school in Santa Barbara but moved south to get serious.
“That’s why I got my MBA here. That’s why I chose UCI. I could live on the beach, meet some cool people, get some education, have some fun. I mean, Northern California is boring. It’s quiet. Even Santa Barbara is quiet. When people graduate, they leave town.”
But Orange County, “it’s a really fun place to be. Because you have a lot of options for things to do.”
On this particular Saturday night, Stahler was doing The Warehouse, a popular singles nightclub in Newport Beach, where it took hardly any time at all to meet Brad Allen, 25, of San Clemente, a student and sometimes nightclub doorman.
Allen said he couldn’t agree more. “Out here there’s more than enough stuff to do.”
The Times Poll queried Orange County’s singles and discovered that, like Stahler and Allen, seven in 10 consider the county an excellent or good place for them.
It is “yet another sign that Orange County has been transformed from a family-oriented suburban ‘bedroom’ community to a bustling and diverse metropolis,” said Mark Baldassare, a UCI professor of social ecology who conducted the random poll of 500 unmarried adults for The Times in late June.
There is more to it than just night life. Single as well as married people value such amenities as pleasant climate, relatively low congestion, an ocean shoreline and diverse dining and shopping.
But the array of activities seems to be a major attraction, said Bob Houle, a San Juan Capistrano psychologist who publishes a singles’ newsletter.
“Many single people here do an incredible array of things in just one week,” he said. “Friday night they may go to a group for singles--some of the commercial groups around or athletic singles--and on a Saturday afternoon go to Parents Without Partners in hopes of maybe meeting someone.
“They might go to the beach or some outdoor activity. Saturday night, again there’s single dances, lots of clubs, particularly in Newport Beach. And there’s the reggae boat parties and the blues boat parties. If you look in the paper any given week there’s clubs meeting, from library book readings to sailing. The word mecca comes to mind--everything for everybody.”
Newport Beach psychologist Paul B. Whittemore says an even stronger lure is probably the combination of two factors “that feed each other.”
“There is a lot of wealth and power here in the male population--lots of successful entrepreneurs--and this attracts a lot of beautiful women. And from the male perspective, there is a disproportionately high percentage of attractive women compared to other areas. Those two things help to generate each other.”
This is recognized outside the area, Whittemore said. “When I was a therapist in West Covina, I was surprised at how many singles were traveling to Newport Beach hoping to meet someone.”
Singles queried by The Times Orange County Poll named Newport Beach most often as the best place for singles to be.
“Newport Beach is the center, there’s no doubt about that,” said Jennifer Marshall, who lives in Newport Beach and teaches seminars on successful dating.
“I moved out here when I decided to get married. I ended a 12-year relationship and moved here from the Bay Area. There are so many men down here. You meet five, six in one day.”
There is such a selection, she said, that you must screen the people you meet. “Effective dating” requires that “you get clear on what you want.” She has students make a list of attributes they desire in a spouse, then pick the two that are “non-negotiable.”
“Find out about them right away. Mine are they can’t do drugs and they must like children. I want kids. If they’ve had vasectomies, I don’t date them. This is the key. If you just want a good time, that’s different.”
Those who date or plan to said merely going to singles hot spots to meet potential dates is not their preference. The most commonly mentioned “best way” was introduction through friends. Clubs, bars and coffeehouses were a distant second. “I think a lot of people go to places like that out of curiosity, but to meet someone serious, it’s a different story,” Whittemore said.
Dating services, classified ads and family were at the bottom of the list.
Some singles hinted that the rules of dating have changed somewhat. A majority of those polled said most singles feel awkward about how to act in relationships because of changes in men’s and women’s roles. About four in 10 said they shared expenses on the typical date, but more than half the men said they were still picking up the entire tab. Only 3% of women reported doing so.
Whether this was discouraging dating was unclear. The poll showed that 35% of single men and 28% of single women in Orange County were not dating but wanted to. Some of these people “are stuck because they don’t recognize the diversity around them,” Houle said.
“It’s sad to see people not risking anymore, fearing rejection. They’re like a duck that kept going into the horse barn to find a mate. I went to disco bars. I hate disco, and I kept wondering why I wasn’t attracting anyone. Single people do this all the time and feel defeated because they’re rejected all the time.
“If you count the list of singles activities--or just activities in general, like book signings--there’s hundreds in the paper each week. Hundreds! There’s no excuse for people not meeting people.”
It’s not so easy if you’re gay, says John Barrie, 37, a business consultant in Costa Mesa.
“If you’re gay, you’re limited in where you can go to meet people in general. It isn’t like you can go anywhere, like if you’re straight. If you’re gay, you have to be a lot more careful, so you tend to go into areas where you know you’re going to be safe and not offend anybody.”
He said that while West Hollywood may be more open to gays, it is an isolated area.
“I think you have a little more diversity of where you can go in Orange County. There are places in Laguna Beach, Costa Mesa, Garden Grove, Buena Park--entertainment establishments. There’s the gay and lesbian center in Garden Grove. Basically, no matter where you live, you can go out.
“The hardest part is trying to meet people other than in the bars,” he said. “Most of time there, you meet people who are drunk or on their way. You can meet people at the gym--watch who they hang out with so you can see what side of the road they’re on, so to speak.”
But trying to meet people at work still is risky, Barrie says. “You can’t have office romances, unless you’re in an industry that’s basically gay--anything in design, fashion, a lot of hotels and restaurants--or a real large company, maybe over a thousand employees. They are basically tolerant because they don’t want trouble for something as trivial as that.”
All in all, Barrie says, Orange County is as good a place as any for gays to be. “It’s a peaceful place to live. I’ve never had any problems with people. I don’t run around saying, ‘I’m gay, I’m gay, I’m gay,’ I don’t do anything outrageous, but I don’t hide it. In every area there are hostile people, but most people don’t give a damn.”
SUNDAY: Though most are satisfied with single life, they’d trade it for that ideal mate.
MONDAY: From picking up the tab to interracial relationships, the dating rules are changing.
TODAY: Abundant activities help O.C. attract young, middle-aged and senior singles.
How This Poll Was Conducted
The Times Orange County Poll was conducted by Mark Baldassare and Associates. The telephone survey of 500 unmarried Orange County adult residents was conducted from June 22 to 26 on weekday nights and weekend days using a computer-generated random sample of telephone numbers. The margin of error for the total sample is plus or minus 4.5 percentage points at the 95% confidence level. That means it is 95% certain that the results are within 4.5 percentage points of what they would be if every unmarried adult resident in the county were interviewed. For subgroups, the margin of error would be higher. All respondents were guaranteed anonymity; however, some of those polled agreed to be re-interviewed for the stories.
TIMES ORANGE COUNTY POLL: O.C.: A Good Place to Meet People
Orange County may have a reputation as a “family-friendly” suburban enclave, but singles find it an accommodating place where it is easy to meet other singles. Few say they feel out of place, and most consider themselves part of the mainstream.
How would you rate Orange County as a place to live for unmarried people like yourself?
Total Men Women Excellent 25% 26% 23% Good 44% 38% 50% Fair 25% 28% 21% Poor 5% 6% 5% Don’t know 1% 2% 1%
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Would you describe Orange County as a place where it is easy or hard to meet otherunmarried people like yourself?
18-34 35-54 55 and Total Men Women years years older Easy 64% 67% 60% 68% 54% 64% Hard 36% 33% 40% 32% 46% 36%
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I often feel out of place and different from the mainstream in Orange County because I am unmarried.
18-34 35-54 55 and Total Men Women years years older Agree 18% 21% 16% 17% 21% 16% Disagree 80% 77% 83% 83% 76% 77% Don’t know 2% 2% 1% 0% 3% 6%
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What is the best city or community in Orange County for unmarried people like yourself to live? Newport Beach: 15% Huntington Beach: 12% Irvine: 7% Anaheim: 5% Laguna Beach: 4% Costa Mesa: 4% Fullerton: 3% Orange: 2% Mission Viejo: 2% Laguna Hills: 2% San Clemente: 2% Laguna Niguel: 1% Brea: 1% Cypress: 1% Dana Point: 1% Fountain Valley: 1% Garden Grove: 1% Santa Ana: 1% Tustin: 1% Other cities: 5% Nowhere: 1% Don’t know: 28% Note: Some numbers do not add to 100% because of rounding
Source: Times Orange County Poll