The Personal Touch : Beyond Shelter made Mari E. Quates and her children ‘feel special.’ The program, she says, turned her life around and restored stability to her family.

A lot of things went wrong in my life very quickly. I was married, with two children and a home. Then my husband and I separated. Right away, I moved in with friends and relatives because I felt I had to ground myself and get reorganized.

I tried to get an apartment. I had a work history, so I didn’t think I’d have problems. But while my husband and I were together we had two evictions, and those stay on your record for seven years. No one would rent to us.

The stress level of living in someone else’s home is very high. After a while, you’re invading their privacy. And two small children, no matter how quiet you try to keep them, are still children. I felt like a burden, even though I cooked, cleaned and bought my own food.

It was very hard on the kids, too. They weren’t settled. My son would scream and holler almost every night, and he started fighting with his little sister. They couldn’t have the freedom to do normal, everyday things like run into the living room and turn on the television.

A while later, when I was still living with others, I had my third child. She was born with a condition that causes chronic heart failure that had to be surgically corrected. All of this was devastating for me. I didn’t know where to turn. I kept thinking, “Why is this happening to me?”

I also had an on-and-off drug and alcohol problem from the ages of 16 to 32. I was able to stop using when I was pregnant, and at other times. But I kept going back.

I began putting in housing applications everywhere--Los Angeles County, Orange County, all over. But I was constantly turned down because of the two evictions.

Because of my baby’s illness, the law required me to either stay home and take care of her, or to provide a licensed vocational nurse, which I couldn’t afford. So I had to seek federal assistance. That was a terrible experience. One place provided housing assistance. Another gave clothing.

The workers were tired and overworked from huge caseloads. They put us in groups and stereotyped us. I had one worker say to an administrator on the phone: “This one’s clean.” “This one”--no reference to me as a human being. The whole process made me feel degraded.

When I was referred to Beyond Shelter, it was so different, so much more personal. People were happy to help me. They offered me coffee and milk for my baby. They cried with me. My case manager became our friend. And once someone called me out of the blue and said, “Mari, I have something for your baby.” That made me feel special.

Beyond Shelter turned my entire life around. First they got me into an apartment by convincing the manager that they would back me up. Once when my welfare check didn’t come they gave me emergency assistance to pay the rent.

Every month my case manager came to my house. We filled out a goal-oriented form. She taught me to budget within my means. I was under a lot of stress, so she referred my kids and me to low-cost counseling that we couldn’t have had otherwise. My kids got new clothes and a wonderful letter of recommendation that allowed me to enroll them in programs that have helped them.

I started feeling so good about myself that I wanted to stop doing drugs and alcohol. So I got professional help and I’ve been clean for about three years.

I used to be confused, disoriented and severely depressed. Now, I look at myself in such a different light that sometimes I don’t even know it’s me. I’ve redeveloped the self-confidence and self-esteem that I lost over the years.

My kids are better, too. It took almost a year after we got stable, but my son is a peaceful little boy again. My oldest daughter used to be very introverted, and now she’s really outgoing. My baby had her surgery and now she’s doing fine. And I get a lot more respect from them.

These days I volunteer at Beyond Shelter whenever they need me. I’m enrolled in the Loyola-Marymount University Drug and Alcohol Studies Program, which is a 1 1/2-year certificate program. But that’s not where I’m stopping. I want to go all the way and be a full-fledged lawyer, then combine the two fields, drug and alcohol counseling with the legal field. And I want to open the first legal counseling program at Beyond Shelter.

Sometimes I say to to myself, “Mari, you don’t have that type of background. But you have the talent and the skill. So put it in God’s hands, because God has done bigger miracles.”