‘90s FAMILY : The Rite Stuff : In today’s busy world of broken families and TV there’s no time for old-fashioned traditions. But you should make time, experts say, because rituals are the stuff that wonderful memories are made of.

Every Christmas season, Janet Whitney and her three children make and decorate 350 to 400 gingerbread-men cookies. The production is a major one that covers three tables in their Irvine home. When the icing has dried, they decorate the house with their gingerbread creations and give them to friends and relatives.

The gingerbread men are a much anticipated tradition in the Whitney home, as is breakfast out every Saturday morning.

“The kids really look forward to our breakfast together and we rarely miss a weekend,” says Whitney, who is single. “They know they can count on that special time with me.”

Family traditions and rituals--and not just during the holidays--were common years ago. But today, many traditions have been forgotten because of increased divorce, extended families living apart, long work hours and the interference of television, experts say. This is unfortunate, they add, because traditions and rituals can be a reassuring anchor during troubled times.

“Family dinners, holidays, birthdays and special times specific to each family give children and adults a sense of security and stability when there’s so much unpredictability in the outside world,” says therapist Joanie Heinemann of Coastline Counseling Center in Newport Beach. She says that depression during the holidays is often linked to a lack of family traditions.

In family therapy, mental health experts actually prescribe rituals and traditions, says Richard Golden, a marriage/family/child counselor in Woodland Hills.

“Traditions and rituals anchor families, make members feel special and communicate value and meaning to kids,” he says.

Through their church, Whitney and her children sponsor a disadvantaged child every Christmas.

“At first, my oldest, who is now 8, wanted to buy toys for himself when we went Christmas shopping for the child we sponsor,” Whitney says. “Now he even offers to give his own toys. The experience has taught him to think of others.”

Rituals and traditions also do the important task of putting boundaries on times of mourning and celebration.

“Traditions and rituals, such as funerals and anniversaries, give you a time to indulge emotions and then contain them so they don’t bleed over into everyday life,” Golden says. “Rituals can also give participants a valuable sense of family history.”

Every August, Maria Gonzalez and her extended family honor her father by holding a special Mass in his name around the anniversary of his death.

“We all attend church in our old East Los Angeles neighborhood, and then we go to my mom’s house or a restaurant for breakfast or lunch,” says Gonzalez, 41, a second-generation Mexican American who lives in Huntington Beach.

After eating, family members travel to the father’s grave, where they pray silently.

“We all really miss our father,” Gonzalez says. “He and my mother were married 45 years. Although this day is sad and we always cry when we visit the grave, it gives us a chance to remember him among ourselves. We also take the opportunity to tell the grandchildren about their grandfather.”

Every year before Christmas, Gonzalez and her family also celebrate Las Posadas, a re-enactment of Mary and Joseph’s journey for shelter before the birth of Christ.

“As I get older, family becomes even more precious to me,” Gonzalez says. “Traditions and rituals are so important because they teach values and create wonderful memories.”

Traditions are what wonderful memories are made of, agrees therapist Heinemann. “People won’t have warm, fuzzy feelings about the television shows they watched, but they will cherish times spent with family.”

Grace Means, 39, of South Gate, says she now understands why her parents found rituals and traditions so important.

“Traditions create family unity and a belief in something,” she says. “They give you a sense of peace, which is critical in today’s stressful world.”

Every other Sunday, Means takes her three daughters to church and out for breakfast, then they spend the day together.

“We take the time to review the week and catch up on each other’s lives,” she says. “This keeps us connected.”

Means, who is Mexican American, also has traditions she follows from childhood, including cuddling up with Mexican hot chocolate and pan dulce (sweet bread) on winter nights.

“Hot chocolate and sweetbread is a symbol of unity and communication in my family,” she says. “I’ve passed this tradition on to my daughters.”

Every holiday season, Means and her mother and sisters get together a week before Christmas to make tamales for their Christmas Eve feast. “This is a wonderful time when we talk and listen to Christmas music,” she says.

With her children, Means started her own Christmas tradition of making or buying each of them a special Christmas tree ornament every year. Her daughters will take the ornaments with them as keepsakes when they move out.

Every Hanukkah, Barry Greene shares special holiday rituals with his family. Although these are very important to Greene, of North Tustin, he thinks that rituals at other times of the year may be even more so.

“It’s easy to remember and practice rituals and traditions during the holidays,” he says. “Incorporating (them) throughout the year is just as important, and we make a conscious effort to do so.”

Greene, 44, and his wife, Carol, 46, have taken a trip to the country every year since their daughter, now 8, was an infant.

In late September or early October, they spend a day picking fruit.

“We make memories on that trip that we wouldn’t have if we’d simply gone to the market and bought apples,” Carol Greene says.

The Greenes also believe in using family traditions to educate their child, who has gone to vote with her parents in every general and primary election.

“This year she watched the election results with us and was well-versed on the different propositions,” Barry Greene says.

The Greenes also have important daily rituals. “Whoever drops Sarah off at school will tell her to do her best and make herself proud,” Barry Greene says.

“Rituals are so important because they give children a sense of belonging and a certain amount of security,” Carol Greene says. “They are good for adults too. I know our rituals and traditions give me a warm, secure feeling.”