Fathers Also Feeling the Custodial Pain

Re “Tales of Move-Away Parents Need Happy Endings” (Dec. 14): Why does Robin Abcarian always insist on taking custodial issues purely from the female perspective? Custody and visitation limit both parents, not just women who wish to move away to a new life or a new job. This goes with the territory of a divorce.

The legislation being discussed by Abcarian would not be necessary if she and other women were to take a more open view on custodial arrangements. They need to acknowledge that not all men are interested solely in a visitation arrangement. There are many men who wish to remain fully and actively involved with their children on a day-to-day basis after a divorce.

As for the woman Abcarian cited who has not realized her dream of a doctorate because her ex bonded with their children, I say, too bad. The children come first. The man should be commended for forging a relationship with his children and fulfilling his responsibility as a parent.

Big-time child-support payments, phone calls, extended visits and letters don’t cut it. Fathers are needed, and we will go to court to protect our rights. Joint custody evens out the limitation, and stresses parental responsibility over more self-oriented concerns such as jobs and finding new spouses.

ROBERT J. YATES

Chino

*

My thanks to Robin Abcarian for dramatically pointing out the need for legal guidelines concerning the move-away-parent issue.

No one denies the importance of maintaining a child’s relationship with both parents. No one sanctions moving away by the custodial parent for punitive or frivolous reasons.

But with child-support awards usually minimal and often unpaid, an opportunity for the custodial parent to offer the child a better home situation should not be thwarted.

The talk lines of the National Council of Jewish Women’s Women Helping Women Services receive many calls, which reveal the economic problems of divorced women and their children.

FRANCES TELLER

Vice President

National Council of Jewish Women

Los Angeles

*

Once again Robin Abcarian insists females be accorded greater rights than males. There are an equal, if not greater, number of stories of fathers whose rights have been quashed.

What of the father who wishes to return to graduate school for a doctorate? Would Abcarian suggest that child support be eliminated during his studies so that he could better his life?

What of the father who wishes to leave crime-infested California for a small town in New England? Would Abcarian suggest that the child support amount be adjusted to account for his reduced income?

Somehow I doubt it. At a time when the country has finally realized the problems that result when fathers are not active in their children’s lives, Abcarian repeats the liberal, feminist rhetoric of a failed agenda that states fathers are mere sperm donors and paychecks.

RaMONA EVENSON

Loma Linda

*

In the late 1950s, when I was 11 years old, my mother, stepfather and I moved from Los Angeles to Sacramento so that my stepdad could take a new job.

My father remained in Los Angeles. I saw my dad less often after the move, but flew down occasionally on weekends and frequently during school vacations. To this day, my father and I have a marvelous relationship and my parents can talk with one another free of rancor and bitterness.

Had my father taken my mother to court over the move, it would have poisoned their relationship, created conflict within our family and placed the burden on me to choose between my parents.

Instead, my father acted responsibly and worked with my mother to fashion a new visitation schedule. Isn’t this what family courts should be doing--guiding parents toward reasonable solutions?

BONNIE K. SLOANE

Los Angeles

*

Abcarian wrote incessantly about the poor mother.

I am a custodial father and an unemployed aerospace engineer who has been out of work for 1 1/2 years and has not received any child support.

I have had many out-of-state opportunities, but my son has a right to see his mother.

Custody for women is not a God-given right, and they ought to be thankful the scales are tipped heavily in their favor. There are men out there who would jump through any kind of hoop to have custody. I know. I have not always had it.

CHASE GORDON

Lake Elsinore