The Price Is Right
It’s a new week, which means there must be a new bogus announcement about Microsoft Corp. and company Chairman Bill Gates floating around the Internet.
Previous parody announcements have said that the software company is buying the Catholic Church. Another parodied Microsoft’s proposed antitrust settlement with the Justice Department.
Earlier this month there was a fake “news flash” that billionaire Gates had bought the calendar year 1995 so he could postpone the start of the year because of the well-publicized delay in shipping Microsoft’s new Windows 95 product.
According to that parody--which we got off an Internet mailing put out by media headhunter Don Fitzpatrick--Gates arranged the sale by paying off the national debt; future checks covering tax payments were to be made out to Gates.
Now comes a separate fake announcement “clarifying” Microsoft’s trademark for its new “Bob” program.
In that parody, a Microsoft official denies that the company will require all people named Bob to change their names. The phony announcement goes on to describe a “Microsoft TrueName” licensing program offered to people who want to keep using the name Bob. They would be required to pay a monthly licensing fee and to display the Windows 95 logo.
Those who don’t must choose another name, the parody says.
“We’re very lenient in our enforcement of the Bob trademark. People are still free to call themselves Robert, Robby or even Rob. Bobby, however, is derivative of Microsoft’s trademark and obviously can’t be allowed,” the parody quotes a Microsoft official as saying.
All I Got Was a Lousy T-Shirt
In the wake of the publication last week of O.J. Simpson’s fund-raising book “I Want to Tell You,” the trade publication Advertising Age in its “The Next Trend” column is running a contest for people to “come up with the next marketing endeavor O.J. Simpson will use to pay for his defense” in his murder trial.
Not a lot is at stake. The top three winners will receive T-shirts.
Conversation Piece
The catalogue for a coming sports memorabilia auction in Long Beach sponsored by Executive Investments Co. in Beverly Hills features some Simpson memorabilia, although no mentions of why it’s suddenly so valuable.
One item is an All-America award presented to Simpson by Eastman Kodak, priced at $1,200 to $1,500.
Then there is a framed Simpson autograph featuring a color photo of him as a star running back at the University of Southern California. “Perfect for the USC fan!” the catalogue says.
Briefly. . .
The memorabilia auction also has for sale for $3,000 to $3,500 a “1972 Washington Redskins Super Bowl Championship Ring,” even though the Redskins didn’t win a Super Bowl until 1988. . . . Entertainer Steve Allen has a piano-teaching video out. . . . Actress Brigitte Nielsen is promoting a 900 telephone number to call witches.
