Encourage, Don’t Manipulate Children

Re “Too Much of the Positive Can Be Negative” (Jan. 25): I’m afraid that parents, unless they very carefully read your article, would think you’re advising them not to be positive to their kids, but to be more critical.

I was raised in a super-critical household where you only got noticed for doing wrong. It was so hard to rise out of that negative background and struggle for success that after my three children were grown, I worked and studied to become a family therapist so I could help little children feel better about themselves.

However, I think that Lynn Smith and Marcy Axness are right in pointing out how harmful manipulative praise is to a child. Praise is manipulative when the child believes he is worthwhile only when he pleases the parent. That is why some adults are still trying to please that long-gone critical parent. They never learned to do things for their own pleasure and satisfaction.

Encouragement helps a child develop the courage to try difficult tasks--know that he will be accepted and helped rather than judged. A child who is encouraged along the way feels less anxious about possible failure and is not afraid to try.

LORRAINE GARAFALO

Huntington Beach