BODY WATCH : Antidotes for an Achy Breaky Heart
Your woman done stomped your heart with her shoe, then run off with your pickup. Your man done worse: Run over your heart with his pickup, then put it in reverse and run over it again.
But what follows is not an assessment of country music lyrics from hell. Instead, we went to various experts and asked their advice on how to get that heart back into your chest cavity, dust yourself off and start all over again.
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* Umbert Ciccolella, aerobics instructor and manager of Main Street Fitness and Dance, Santa Monica:
“Endorphins. We mend hearts daily with endorphins. People come in so depressed and stressed out. They leave feeling so great from the endorphins kicking in. When we dance and have fun, they lose all their problems. It turns their day around and gives them a whole new take on things. That mends the heart.”
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* Penny Newman, manager of the personal shopping department, Nordstrom, South Coast Plazac Costa Mesa:
“(For her): I know there is no better therapy for a broken heart than shopping, so I’d take her under my wing and show her all the new spring fashions and send her home in something that makes her feel beautiful. An Armani suit would soothe most girls’ broken hearts. I would encourage her and tell her that hope springs eternal, especially with a beautiful new wardrobe.
“(For him): We all know the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, so I’d fill a basket full of items from our gourmet specialty snacks from our gift shop. I know that would soothe any man’s broken heart--at least for a while.”
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* Reid Kopel, licensed clinical psychologist, Encino:
“This is a process of grief. There is a death--the death of a relationship, so you might deal with it the way you deal with the loss of a mother, brother, friend. You can look at the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
“In denial, there is some part of you that may believe if you became a better person or they became a better person, the relationship would work.
“Anger is one of the most common things we see; anger at the other person and anger at oneself. You can’t say to the other person, ‘You were the bad guy.’ You have to look at your part in it. I don’t feel you can do good healing unless you address what your role was.
“In bargaining, you may say, ‘I know if she just came back we can work this out.’
“Depression is the realization that it is indeed over and that it’s time to get on with life. This is the most painful part.
“Acceptance is the realization that the breakup doesn’t mean that that person is a bad person or you’re a bad person. It means you weren’t right for each other. And, this stage includes: ‘What can I learn from this relationship? What did this person teach me about myself that might be an impediment to a relationship the next time around?’ This is where you do some self-analysis.”
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* Mary Ann Esposito, cookbook author and host of the public television cooking show “Ciao Italia”:
“In Italy, problems are dealt with faccia a faccia, face-to-face, with the other people at the dinner table. Food is the meeting place, so when you break up with someone, you talk about what happened over a glass of wine and a dish of pasta. So instead of eating potato chips or other junk food by yourself, take some time out to prepare a good meal, invite others over to share it and express your feelings.
“Try Salsa di Oliva Nera, a simple sauce to prepare early in the day. Saute over medium heat a peeled and diced onion in seven tablespoons of olive oil until the onion softens. Add one-half cup pitted and chopped black oil-cured olives; three peeled, seeded and diced plum tomatoes; salt and pepper to taste. Stir and let simmer, covered, for 10 minutes. Turn off heat, add one tablespoon chopped Italian flat leaf parsley and stir to blend. Reheat when ready to use. Serve over farfalle (butterfly-shaped pasta) or any short macaroni.”
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* Mark Cosman, Los Angeles president of Friends of the Volunteers of America, a nationwide human-services organization:
“Volunteering to help people in need is hands-down the best way to mend a broken heart. Reaching out to and focusing on others more destitute than you will separate you from your own problems and give you a self-esteem that no amount of money could ever buy.
“Actually, what volunteers often find is that they gain even more than the people they’re helping. Even simple things like volunteering to coach children’s basketball are good. With a look, a sweet smile and a demonstration that they’ve learned what you taught them, little children have a way of giving back to you that’s like money in the bank. With your new perspective and heightened self-esteem, your other troubles will seem much smaller.”
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* Stephanie Wortman, travel counselor, American Express Travel Service, Costa Mesa:
“A change of scenery really does help a broken heart, but you can’t go with the purpose of finding someone new. You need time to step back and refocus. I recommend going where there are a lot of people rather than some secluded beach where you’d just wallow in your own tears.
“Club Med is good because the people who work there are good at encouraging you to get out of your shell and participate. Cruises are also nice, and the megaships with 1,800 to 2,500 passengers will give you a wide variety of people, including plenty of singles.
“Pick a club or cruise that interests you in ways that will channel some of your energy, increase your skills, enhance your knowledge or just simply give you something you’d particularly enjoy.”
