COMMUNITY ESSAY : Homophobes Restrict All Males, Straight and Gay : Men keep a purposeful distance from one another, emotionally and physically, to keep up a macho front and avoid any suspicion of gayness.

Recently at a Santa Monica movie theater, I saw two husky, twenty-something men sharing popcorn. But to make it clear to each other, and perhaps any onlookers, that they were not gay, they kept an empty seat between them.

It’s this “empty seat” that distances many men from one another, keeping us isolated and afraid of our own gender. Many of us may want to get close or talk deeply with a friend but don’t dare to because, God forbid, someone else might label us “fag.”

That ugly label is not limited to sexual orientation. By popular definition, it means someone not interested in having a real family, engaging in competitive sports or making a genuine contribution to society.

Is it any wonder, then, that a lot of us males would rather keep an empty seat between us than risk such a label? Consider, for example, that the suicide rate among gay teen males--those most likely to be labeled--is three times as high as that of heterosexual males, according to a study by the U.S. Department Of Health and Human Services.

For me, the nature of homophobia became clear while I was a reporter for a small ultra-conservative newspaper. A reporter who wrote front-page pieces denouncing “the gay agenda” subsequently sought to engage in the practices he proscribed. It was OK, he explained, to engage in any kind of sexual conduct so long as one afterward condemned it.

But homophobia is not about prohibiting certain types of sexuality. Rather, it is about positioning oneself as macho, especially among members of our own gender. Homophobia isolates males, straight and gay, from one another. It’s a boastful front which, like an alcoholic high too often repeated, makes us feel strong while destroying us by keeping us apart,

Thus, when House Majority Leader Dick Armey calls Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass.) “Barney Fag,” when the white male leaders of the radical right engage in homophobic rhetoric, they are not just bashing a minority group called “gay.” They are bashing all males.

They are seeking to limit who all of us can be, how we can act, what we can feel. They tell us the stance we must adopt toward life.

All this has little to do with our bed partners. It has everything to do with not wanting to be perceived as weak around other men.

But by playing on our fears, perhaps these bigots point the way to real manhood--to daring to take that empty seat.