A Rose by Any Other Name . . .

I asked my wife if she could think of a man as being darling. “Yes,” she answered. “I could.” (Maybe she was thinking of me.)

There is no doubt that some adjectives are generally restricted in use to one gender or the other. A woman is not called muscular (not if she can help it), and a man is not called pretty .

Houghton Mifflin Co., publishers of the American Heritage Dictionary, has sent me a sheet on gender-linked adjectives as classified by members of the American Heritage Dictionary Usage Panel, of which I am a member.

“Your boyfriend may be an exciting guy,” it begins, “but do you think of him as vivacious? He may be fond of irreverent jokes, but would you therefore call him sassy or pert ? Your boss may be a sophisticated businesswoman, but would you also call her debonair ?”

Seventy percent of the panel thought debonair could be used to describe a man only. Two-thirds of the panel thought sassy should be used to describe only women or girls; the same number felt the same way about saucy.

Seventy-two percent thought that only men could be lecherous. On the other hand, 72% said only women could be wanton. And only women can be demure, they thought.

It is interesting that the majority thinks that only men can be lecherous and only women can be wanton. Women lechers exist, but they are more often called something nice, like libertines.

As for vivacious, I know a number of men whom I would call vivacious . According to the dictionary, vivacious means “full of animation and spirit; lively.” Surely those are not characteristics of women only.

If you think of yourself as “one of the fellows,” 60% of the panel members think you would be a man. It seems to me that most of these judgments reflect stereotypical if not sexist thinking.

My late friend Sara Boynoff, a colleague on the old Daily News, used to call us all, men and women, fellows. She would say, “Come on, fellows, let’s eat.”

As for exciting, I have heard football players referred to as exciting , though I have never heard one called pert . I agree that saucy and sassy fit women or girls better than men.

Then what would you call a sassy man? There are some, you know. How about rude ? Or cheeky ? Or sharp-tongued ? Or just call him a jerk. Women are very rarely called jerks.

There are many gender-defining words that the panel did not discuss. For instance, you would not be likely to call a woman brawny or refer to her as a hunk .

And you would not call a man lovely . Or would you? I asked my wife if she would call a man lovely . She said, “Of course.”

But you wouldn’t call Mike Tyson lovely , would you? Of course not. How about Robert Redford? Is he lovely? I wouldn’t want to call him that to his face.

Can only women be sweet ? Or does that word fit men too? I would have to say yes. I know men who are sweet, though it is a word that women would be more likely to use.

How about suave ? Sixty percent of the panel thought only men could be suave. The dictionary defines suave as meaning “smoothly agreeable and courteous, delightful, sweet.” Can we deny that women are often smoothly agreeable, courteous, delightful and sweet?

I think women can be all those things, and often are. The panel’s vote on that one is definitely sexist, and it suggests that the male members of the panel thought of themselves as suave. I would call them vain and pompous.

Or take demure . The dictionary defines demure as “modest and reserved in manner or behavior. Affectedly shy, modest or reserved.” In the eyes of men, these attributes are more definitive of women than of men; 86% of the panel agreed. But what if a woman is also saucy or sassy? Can they have it both ways? And how many men do you know who are demure? By the dictionary definition, I’m rather demure myself.

Or would you call me a jerk?

The panel evidently did not consider the word cute . Cute is a word that on first glance would seem to apply only to females. But girls often think their boyfriends are cute, and the word also means sassy , which cute boys often are.

About the only word I can think of that can be used only for men is the word manly.

As for women, the dictionary is full of words that define or describe them. So is poetry. So are men.

* Jack Smith’s column is published Mondays.