SAN GABRIEL VALLEY / COVER STORY : Some Local Churches Are Striving to Make Gay Men and Lesbians Feel More Welcome : Altering Their Approach

Getting up to take communion at Claremont United Methodist Church one Sunday morning, Howard waited patiently for Bill to make his way to the end of the pew.

When Bill got there, he reached out for Howard’s arm. Bill suffers from arthritis and needs help from time to time. Howard lovingly wrapped his arm around Bill’s. They waited a second for Bill to get comfortable with his grip. Then, arm-in-arm, the pair walked proudly up the church aisle.

Everybody knows the two men well from their work at the Claremont church. Most folks also know that Howard and Bill have been monogamous partners for 27 years.

“We’ve gone to a lot of other mainstream churches where you can’t be that open,” Howard said after the morning service.

A few years ago, the sight of two men in love and walking together as a couple might have come as a shock to churchgoers. Certainly, an open display of affection would not go over well in most churches.

But after five years of study, discussion and prayer, churchgoers in the predominantly heterosexual Claremont congregation decided to join a growing number of United Methodist churches around the country and declare themselves a reconciling congregation--meaning it not only accepts but welcomes gay men and lesbians into the fold, no questions asked.

Howard heads the church’s 15-member Reconciling Committee, which drafted the policy statement on gay and lesbian inclusion. A framed portion of the statement hangs on the wall in the church vestibule. “We proclaim,” the statement reads in part, “that all people are created in the image of God and affirm that all people regardless of age, economic status, ethnicity, gender, abilities, marital status, race or sexual orientation are beloved children of God.”

A rainbow-colored flag standing in the corner of the lobby is another subtle reminder of the church’s reconciling commitment.

“We have been completely open since we started attending here,” Bill said. “No one’s ever said anything to us, at least not to our faces.”

But they are not so open that they would allow their surnames to be used in this story. Although Howard and Bill are comfortable with their sexual identities in church, they fear a backlash in their conservative hometown of Fontana and at their jobs as accountants.

Other gay men and lesbians in the congregation expressed similar fears, plus indignation over anti-gay attitudes of some mainstream churches.

“I have a problem with Christians who don’t accept other people because of their (sexual) orientation,” said Theresa, who attended the same Sunday service with her longtime companion, Lavon. A ship’s captain performed a marriage ceremony for the two women during a cruise, but the state does not recognize homosexual marriages.

Although the Claremont church has taken steps to integrate gays and lesbians, it does not condone homosexuality or perform same-sex marriages. No matter how open, most churches, except for exclusively gay and lesbian congregations, do not.

Howard and Bill, as well as Theresa and Lavon, take their faith seriously. They have been regular churchgoers most of their lives and had been involved in the activities of most churches they have belonged to over the years.

Until a few years ago, both couples worshiped at the Metropolitan Community Church of the Pomona Valley in Claremont, the only church in the east San Gabriel Valley to minister exclusively to gays and lesbians. It was the only place they felt welcome.

The Rev. David Gillentine, pastor at Metropolitan Community Church, said some members of his congregation have left for other churches over the past few years, thinking a new openness and awareness of gays and lesbians would make it possible to move into the mainstream. Some have stayed at their new churches. Others have returned, disappointed with what they found, he said.

“It seems funny to me that it takes so much and so long to just say, welcome,” Gillentine said just before starting a Sunday night service at the church on South College Avenue.

“We’ve had people go (to another church) and say it was really nice. But I have to wonder if we really are welcome.”

Unlike the Sunday service at Claremont United Methodist, Gillentine’s service was packed with emotional outpourings; gospel readings and a sermon were followed with personal testimonies and prayers read aloud for people with AIDS. Couples held hands, or put their arms around each other, or kissed, or cried during the service.

Jerry, 45, is the church organist. He’s been attending Metropolitan regularly since 1982. He grew up in the Southern Baptist faith and switched among various religions over the years, including United Methodist, before finally deciding to make Metropolitan his church. He also expressed concern about his identity becoming known.

Jerry said he’s been to churches where parishioners and ministers said he was welcome. He never really felt that way, though.

“Even if they never said it, there was always that underlying tone that we were excluded,” he said.

But Howard and Bill feel comfortable at their reconciling church and say they wouldn’t want it to become exclusively homosexual. They simply want it to be open to everyone.

Reconciling is a term exclusive to United Methodists. But in varying degrees and by different names, other denominations, such as the United Congregational Church, Presbyterians and the Episcopal Church, have opened up to homosexual men and women over the past decade.

Some churches have adopted the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. Others, like All Saints Episcopal Church in Pasadena, have become known for their work in AIDS care and the church’s open-door policy with the city’s gay and lesbian communities.

The Catholic Church also has softened its stance on homosexuals. Acting on a directive from Cardinal Roger M. Mahony, the Archdiocese of Los Angeles formed a ministry in 1986 specifically geared to reaching out to gay and lesbian Catholics. The church considers homosexuality a disorder, not a sin, and welcomes gays and lesbians to participate in the sacraments. The homosexual act, however, is still considered sinful, said the Rev. Peter Liuzzi, Mahony’s handpicked emissary to the archdiocese’s gay and lesbian community.

In the United Methodist denomination, which also does not condone homosexual behavior, there are two schools of thought on ministering to gay men and lesbians. The reconciling congregations publicly welcome homosexuals and accept their sexual orientation. So-called transforming congregations also welcome gays and lesbians, but only on the premise that they pray to change their sexual orientation to heterosexual.

In Claremont’s case, the decision to become a reconciling congregation caused its share of pain, said the Rev. Harry Pak, who served as pastor there until last year and presided over most of the discussion to include homosexuals.

Pak came to the church in 1989 from Honolulu, nearly a year after reconciling discussions had begun two nights a month at the Claremont church. After a weeklong voting period in May, 1993, 75% of the church’s 600 church members voted to become an official reconciling congregation.

“Young (heterosexual) couples especially questioned it,” Pak said.

“If I had to do it all over again I would carry on the dialogue process (with more church members) from the very beginning, but I didn’t do that.”

The church lost some congregants over the decision, he said, and some wrote angry letters condemning the decision and accusing Pak and the church’s reconciling committee of forcing them to accept homosexuality. Pak recalled the time he asked a lesbian to speak about her experiences from the pulpit one Sunday soon after the vote.

“I am no different than you in my journey to God,” the woman said. “Maybe if you got to know me, just for me, we could quit being scared of each other.”

Despite the woman’s conciliatory talk, some members were outraged.

“I was not prepared for some of the emotional reactions,” Pak said.

In one letter, a church member said he had tried to accept “the ultra-liberal philosophy of the modern church.” But, he said, he could not ignore the Bible’s teaching on homosexuality.

“Last Sunday I couldn’t believe my ears,” the church member wrote to Pak. “How could an avowed homosexual be invited to speak from the pulpit and flaunt her lifestyle?” Others, Pak said, made irate anonymous phone calls.

“To be sure, there are two extremes,” Pak said, “and they are vocal.”

The Claremont church is one of 88 reconciling United Methodist churches nationwide, one of seven in Los Angeles County. Of the others in the county, five are in Hollywood and one in West Los Angeles.

The Rev. Carmen Pak, pastor at nearby La Verne United Methodist Church and Harry Pak’s wife, said her parishioners have discussed reconciling but have not adopted a formal policy.

In 1992, four years after Claremont United Methodist members started talking about reconciling, the United Methodist Church’s top leaders ordered all of the denomination’s 39,000 churches to study the issue and decide for themselves.

Carmen Pak said reconciling is not the most important issue facing her congregation. Her parishioners are more interested in ending immigrant-bashing and feeding the hungry, she said.

“(Reconciling) has been an emotionally divisive issue,” Carmen Pak said. “It’s like abortion. It’s an important issue, but it’s not the most important issue. It’s an issue that grabs headlines and politicians.”

One reason why Carmen Pak doesn’t see reconciling as particularly important is because she doesn’t believe homosexuality is a sin. Neither does her husband.

“Historically, you do have to make a stand, like on civil rights. But there are other things that we are concerned about,” Carmen Pak said. “You have to decide what battles you are going to fight.”

The Rev. Robert Davis, who took over the Claremont United Methodist pulpit eight months ago when Harry Pak went on a sabbatical, said the real test of the church’s commitment to reconciling will come in 1996 at the United Methodist Church General Conference in Denver. That’s when church policies, such as its positions against homosexuality and its support for reconciling, will be discussed and possibly brought into alignment.

“It’s not an issue where Christians are in agreement. There are Christians of integrity who differ greatly on this matter,” Davis said of the reconciling movement. “The policy needs to be clarified. This is uncharted territory we are moving through. There is growing momentum (behind reconciling congregations), but we still have a long way to go.”