The Winter of Her Content : People Can Become ‘Trapped in a Box’ if They Aren’t Exposed to Different Things, a Gifted Student Says

Shalanda Jaliwa, 17, is a senior at prestigious Deerfield Academy in Connecticut. She recently won a full scholarship to the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Shalanda, who was born and raised in South-Central Los Angeles, talks about her education and social experiences, culture shock and her changing relationship with Los Angeles, her native city. She was interviewed by Erin J. Aubry.

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Deerfield Academy is a lot different than L.A. It’s predominantly white and in a very rural area, with a lot of farms and stuff around. It’s really small. But, fortunately, I didn’t have trouble adjusting. I felt a little out of place, but I made friends pretty quickly.

It took a while for me to change my preconceptions about people; I thought that all whites were stuck-up and rich. But my best friend now is white--she’s a lot like me, even though she has blonde hair and blue eyes and is from Kentucky. But since we all live on campus, it’s like a family.

I have two really close friends in L.A. that I hang out with when I’m there. Although I’ve kind of gone separate ways with one of them, I’ve gotten closer to the other one. They’re just into different things.

I miss L.A. and my family and the social scene--there’s lots more to do there. At the same time, though, I don’t want to leave here. L.A. moves so fast, there are so many distractions, especially when you’re young, so many things to get caught up in: trouble, parties, things that get you sidetracked. I’m pretty strong-minded and focused, but I don’t want take any chances.

People get caged in their communities when they don’t get exposed to different things. They become trapped in a box, and feel like there’s nowhere else to go. I think it’s a natural human reaction to try and break out--for some people it’s violence, or writing on walls, or gangbanging. That’s their means of expression.

If young people could be accepted for how we are inside and not how we dress; if people from places like Beverly Hills wouldn’t stare at us, there would be less violence, less trouble. But if you can’t feel comfortable outside of your environment, then you just wind up feeling caged in.

I’m already talking to my brothers, Malik and Chaka, about going to Deerfield, because for young black men it’s even worse. I want them to get outside of L.A., see different things, and Deerfield is a great opportunity to do that.

Even though I adjusted to the first year in Connecticut really well, I called home and sometimes cried. But there wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle in the end.

In my junior year, I really felt I wanted to come home--that was a really bad winter, and my academic workload was very heavy. But I played soccer for the first time, and also lacrosse. That’s like football with sticks. I also saw squash for the first time, which is like playing tennis in a box--sort of like racquetball.

Being away hasn’t taught me a lot about myself, but it has taught me a lot about other races, especially whites. You realize that, yes, there are people exactly like you who just have a different skin color.

It also teaches you about racist, sexist people who don’t like you because of your gender or the color of your skin. Judging people by what’s on the inside has given me a whole different outlook. In Los Angeles, it’s very easy to judge people on the outside, to go by appearances. Still, the diversity of the people there is such that, if you want to learn about others, you can.

My junior year here was hell. I was taking American studies, calculus and chemistry. I got harder teachers at school who kept me working a lot, and there was no time for outside activities. Back in Los Angeles, I could get straight A’s no problem at Audubon Junior High, but this was different. I was depressed after I wound up with a 70 score in calculus. Math had always been my strong suit. It was the first time I ever had to sit down with a teacher and say, “Look, I need help, I’m failing here.”

At Deerfield, you can call a teacher at home; there’s a lot of one-on-one. If I had been failing in public school, I couldn’t have gotten help like that. Here, the teacher makes you cookies at her house, you sit down together until you get it. I always wonder about how other kids would do if they had the chance I got.

I always had friends who were very smart but are only going to community college because they don’t get encouragement. I’m very lucky and very thankful that I got this chance. Ninety-nine percent of students here go on to college, but at Crenshaw High the number might be 50%.

The people around me here want to succeed, and it’s a lot easier to succeed when everyone around you wants that too. I think I would have done well regardless, but if everyone has the same mind-set, it’s easier.

The biggest thing is surrounding yourself with people who think like you. You have to find a mentor, someone who can push you, someone who will give you the time. In junior high, I had people like that. But it was a two-way street--I approached them, and they approached me. You have to go out and find people and ask them to support you.

Coming to school here has opened up so many doors. I’m going to an Outward Bound program in Utah this summer, where I’ll have to survive in the wilderness for a couple of weeks and maybe learn some leadership skills. I’ve never been to Utah.

Eventually, I want to be an obstetrician or gynecologist and open up clinics so people can receive better health care. I’ll probably end up working in L.A., because women definitely need prenatal care there.

I think I could live there after I’m older and past the party stage.