You Call This a Motto?

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time we all learned the new city motto. Maybe you’ve heard about it and maybe you haven’t. That’s OK. The important thing is we all get on the same page. Just listen and repeat after me. Or, as my old Spanish teacher would say, “ Escuchen y repeten! “ And say it like you mean it.

Ready? Here goes:

“Together we’re the best. Los Angeles.”

OK, so it isn’t much to work with, but snickering won’t help matters. Remember, people, this isn’t just L.A., this is Hollywood. Many an actor has taken a nothing bit of dialogue and made it soar.

So this time, let’s drop the Chamber of Commerce demeanor. Lose the happy face. Give your smile the edge of a sneer. Make like Travolta in “Pulp Fiction.” Say it with attitude.

“Together we’re the best. Los Angeles.”

We’re making lemonade here, people.

*

It would be nice to tear up the script. “Together we’re the best” is supposed to sound proud. It’s supposed to foster togetherness. But it sounds smarmy, defensive, dull and namby-pamby for a city that is none of the above. After all, this is the work of a committee, the New Los Angeles Marketing Partnership. Before Mayor Riordan unveiled the slogan a few weeks back, it was approved by the directors of 15 companies and government agencies involved in selling Los Angeles to the world.

First, they’re trying to sell Los Angeles to us, hopeful that stars such as Arnold Schwarzenegger will do a few spots. Could Arnold get us pumped up? Actually, “ Hasta la vista, baby” wouldn’t be such a bad slogan.

Think about the last time you heard from relatives back East calling to say they might be coming out for a visit, but were worried they might get lost and wind up, say, at the corner of Florence and Normandie shortly after a jury rendered a rather unpopular verdict. The marketing people think you wouldn’t reassure them.

“Sometimes people in L.A. have a low self-image,” one marketing type suggested. “If you said something bad about Minneapolis to someone from Minneapolis, they would get outraged. But if somebody said something bad about L.A., somebody here might say, ‘Yeah. . .. ‘ “

Not only would we not take umbrage, she said, we might relate the latest example of civic insanity.

“You want to have a city where people feel good about it,” she protests. “And there are a lot of wonderful things for visitors to do here.”

That’s very true. There are the beaches, celebrities, celebrity look-alikes and the usual theme parks. A walk along the Venice boardwalk is a must, something to affirm every stereotype of L.A. A few years back, when my 80-something Uncle Bill and 70-something Aunt Izetta came out from Alabama for a visit, my actress cousin took them to see West Hollywood’s gay pride parade. Now that was something to share with the folks back home.

And after the rioting in ‘92, I gave some Orange County friends--white like me--a depressing little drive-by tour of the damage. They’d already been to Universal Studios. This was something they hadn’t seen.

There may be a few reasons Angelenos aren’t as apt to defend their city the way Minneapolitans defend theirs. Many Angelenos, more so than people elsewhere, simply don’t want their relatives hanging around the house. Elsewhere, visitors help break up the boredom.

Perhaps folks here aren’t as defensive because L.A. has given its people a keen appreciation for the unvarnished truth--the good and the bad, the ugly and the beautiful.

This may be why Randy Newman’s “I Love L.A.” has been embraced as our unofficial anthem, even though some listeners suspect that Newman’s true intentions weren’t kind. There is, after all, the line that goes: Look at that bum over there, man . He’s down on his knees. It’s also interesting that the song celebrates such undistinguished roadways as Imperial Highway, Century Boulevard and Victory Boulevard while omitting the likes of Sunset, Wilshire and PCH.

But with its hard-driving rhythm, the song also celebrates cruising in a convertible with a “big, nasty redhead” and the Beach Boys cranked up. We’re gonna ride it [our tour guide sings] till we just can’t ride it no more.

Now that could apply to earthquakes or anything else. The tone is defiant and upbeat, not defensive.

Rumor has it that L.A.’s marketing people hope to work something out with Newman, mindful that his music could spice up this campaign. Rumor also has it that Newman’s price is a bit steep.

“Aw, come on, Randy,” they must be saying. “Together we’re the best!”