Sex Education in the ‘90s

* Re “Boomers Tell Kids: Do as I Say, Not as I Did,” Commentary, June 23:

As a new parent and teacher of young children, I was extremely disheartened and angered by Ellen Goodman’s suggestion that instructing our young teens to say no to sex instills in them fear that will inhibit them sexually for the rest of their lives. She seems proud to report that the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States now offers teens a guideline to “assess their readiness for a relationship” and provides a five-point checklist for good sex: “consensual, non-exploitative, honest, pleasurable and protected.”

It’s not surprising that the words committed and loving are left out. Rarely do premature sexual relationships have the capacity for these components. The council’s guidelines send a basic message to teens regarding sex: Assess the situation. If it feels good and it’s protected, it’s OK. But is this enough for kids? Aren’t they worthy of learning that good sex encompasses so much more than mere pleasure? If we adhere to the council’s advice, are we doing our utmost to ensure our children’s future happiness?

Kids need to be taught to love and respect themselves enough to wait for a mutual pledge of love and commitment. This takes time and patience. But in the interim, parents should guide them, much like the Baby Boomers who tell their kids to just say no. Instead of plunging our children into a confusing, philosophical self-assessment over “sexual health,” let’s teach them the wisdom of just saying no for themselves. This is a lesson that gives far more hope for lasting sexual happiness than the parental permissiveness intended to prevent sexual inhibition.

ARLENE H. PLATTEN

Lawndale

* I can’t understand why Goodman is so perplexed by Hillary Clinton’s “Don’t ask, don’t tell” theory. It’s the same fuzzy drivel they and the boomers have been dishing up since their adolescence and early adulthood.

One (among many) of the serious flaws with these and other theories is contained in the blurb at the beginning of the article: “ . . . lifelong attitudes--healthy or not--are formed during the teen years.” The truth is that attitudes are being formed all the time you (or the day-care, five-days-a-week baby-sitter, ad nauseam) are with them. My children will see married, monogamous, virgins-until-married, committed, in-love parents and they will hear them talk about how essential it is to save the beauty and fun of sex for their lifelong marriage partner.

The boomers don’t need theories and “new” ideas. They need first to believe the truth about sex and marriage and then to be convinced enough to teach their children with confidence.

DAVID REBER

Whittier