A rotating panel of experts from the worlds of philosophy, psychology and religion offer their perspective on the dilemmas that come with living in Southern California. : Hearts of the City / Exploring attitudes and issues behind the news

Today’s question: Is it always wrong to have a child relay or invent a false excuse for your not coming to the telephone?

Karen Baker-Fletcher, associate professor of theology and culture, School of Theology at Claremont.

“It is usually, but not always, wrong to have a child relay false excuses, depending on the moral situation. However, children should not invent excuses for adults because adults ought to be responsible for their own decisions. In our busy world the response, ‘She can’t come to the phone right now. May I take a message?’ is usually true, sufficient and respects privacy. If the truth would be offensive, a false excuse requires the explanation that it’s wrong to embarrass people or hurt their feelings. During dinner the truthful response, ‘We’re having dinner. He’ll call later,’ deserves respect and teaches that family time is sacred.”

Shabbir Mansuri, director of the Council on Islamic Education, Fountain Valley.

“To invent a false excuse is not allowed under any circumstance. Not only does it confuse the child but it also raises questions of ethical behavior, issues of morality and the problem of ‘double standards.’ Children learn at a young age to model their behavior after family members. This seemingly simple and harmless ‘white lie’ can create complications down the road. This question has been discussed by many speakers among the diverse Muslim community as an example of what may lead to future doubt and uncertainty as to the proper protocols of communication outside and within the family.”

The Rev. Jess Moody, pastor of Shepherd of the Hills Church, Porter Ranch.

“I’m not obligated to talk to a person at their own convenience. Sometimes I cannot come to the phone because I’m doing something. Either through my wife or my children, I would tell them that I will call them back. I admit a couple of times I have told them to say, ‘Just tell them I am not here.’ One such time was when a man was demanding information in a threatening way about where his wife and daughter were. I wasn’t about to tell him, so I had to choose between a soft untruth and a hard lie. After the call, my son said to me, ‘Dad, you lied to him.’ After I explained to him that the man had a record of physical abuse of his family, he said he would have done the same thing.”

Compiled by JOHN DART/Times staff writer