Community Essay : A Personal Discovery Tour of Gender : Is a man who notices a handsome fellow one day and a woman’s legs the next gay with straight tendencies or vice versa?

Like many people, I used to believe that a person is either gay or straight. Bisexuality seemed reserved for those temporarily confused about their identities or for a Mick Jagger or a Madonna, for whom sleeping with either gender is part of celebrityhood.

But when a study last year by the University of Chicago put the number of American bisexuals between 1.5 and 7.5 million--or between 1% and 4% of the adult population--I got to wondering what exactly bisexuality is.

Is noticing a handsome man a sign of my “closeted” tendencies? Or is my noticing a woman’s legs just an “aberration”? And what of the times I’ve found an individual sexy even though I was not immediately sure of the person’s gender?

The paradox goes further. Ads for men’s colognes often feature scantily clad men in sensual poses. Yet these ads appeal to a predominantly heterosexual male market. Similarly, makers of bras and underwear model their cleavage-enhancing products on attractive, nearly nude women. Are only men supposed to notice the sensual aspects of this?

Likewise, is Tom Cruise such a hit with male as well as female moviegoers solely because of his acting ability? And do Sharon Stone’s sultry mannerisms not appeal to female, as well as male, viewers?

For me, the confusion comes not from seeing sexy elements in both genders. Rather it comes when I try to categorize myself. Am I a gay man with straight tendencies? Or a straight man with gay tendencies?

In her current best seller, “Vice Versa,” Harvard University Prof. Marjorie Garber writes that until the 1800s, the Western world did not classify individuals as heterosexual or homosexual. Thus, the likes of Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Socrates and William Shakespeare were free to have partners and lovers of both genders without having to figure out their sexual identity. Even at the turn of the century, Sigmund Freud called bisexuality a universal disposition.

I was once passionately in love with an attractive blond; at another time, it was a dark brunette. One was male, the other female. With both, the attraction rightfully spilled over into sexuality. With both, I had eyes for no one else. By concentrating on orientation, however, I lose the essence of the attraction--which is to the individual. And there’s where confusion begins.

I don’t know the answer to any of the questions raised. Part of any solution will come when scientists, sociologists and religious types stop compartmentalizing people, which creates separation and enmity. I do know that I am uncomfortable when I’m around only straights or only gays, or only blacks or only whites, or only men or only women. I prefer the mix.