A Lasting Union : Eight Days of Lavish Parties and Ancient Rituals Forge a Marriage of Families

The guy in the car watches, confused.

Across the street, a man in an orange turban, silk pajamas and gold veil of tassels, ribbons and feathers is ascending a white carriage pulled by a white horse. As the horse trots off, dodging traffic, a large crowd including a percussion band races alongside. Within 20 seconds, they’ve arrived at the Long Beach Hilton, where an equally large and colorful group applauds and embraces the arrivals.

Unnoticed amid the revelry, the guy in the car acts on impulse, the way the streets have taught him. He pulls up to the crowd, lowers the window and reaches beneath the seat for his weapon--a camcorder.

Just another drive-by videotaping in Southern California.

But it’s not just another wedding. The parade was only one in a series of spectacles surrounding the lavish marriage this month of Indu Ahluwalia and Swaneel Kalsi. More than 500 guests from around the world were treated to displays of Sikh traditions, L.A. idiosyncrasies, and clashes of East and West (A Stevie Wonder hit in Hindi?). Unfolding over eight days in six cities and three languages, the ceremonies featured prayer and rituals followed by old-fashioned partying, as detailed in the 16-page illustrated invitation.

It was at once exhilarating and exhausting, entertaining and addictive. “I’m going to have withdrawal pains,” quipped guest Suman Kashyap after it was all over.

The groom’s parents, Surjit and Kanwal Kalsi of Rancho Palos Verdes, met their future in-laws on a business trip last year in Hong Kong. The families discovered they had much in common.

Surjit Kalsi is the wealthy owner of Dynamic Cooking Systems, a Los Alamitos barbecue manufacturer. Harjit Ahluwalia is a golf club distributor for much of Asia. Swaneel’s grandfather was the first Sikh member of the Indian Parliament, and Ahluwalia is a name for a Sikh upper caste. Like most of the women in the two families, Guddi Ahluwalia and Kanwal are homemakers.

All four parents also share strong feelings about uniting entire families through traditional Sikh marriage.

While visiting Hong Kong, the Kalsis noted that the Ahluwalias had a daughter of marrying age, 22, but they knew that their Americanized son, 27, would reject any arrangement without his consent. Then the Ahluwalias attended the Kalsis’ Christmas party here last year, and Swaneel and Indu fell in love.

Swaneel Kalsi said he had dated women of various backgrounds: “A guy’s got to be a guy.” But he always knew he would marry a Sikh Indian.

Eight days after they met, they were engaged. Indu flew back to Hong Kong, and the couple met again only once in the six months before the wedding when the Kalsis went to India to buy clothes and gifts for the celebration.

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While the engagement and courtship may appear rushed by American standards, such modern “assisted” Sikh unions often come together even more quickly. (Indu’s younger sister Hema became engaged to her fiance, the son of a prominent Indian jeweler, 15 minutes after they met.)

The Kalsis and Ahluwalias more than made up for the short courtship by stretching out the marriage ceremonies, which are usually accomplished in two or three days.

“If it takes a whole week to get married, how long does it take to get a divorce?” joked guest Bob Waymire on Day Six of the event.

Each party (see accompanying story) was more posh than the last, reflected in the rising price of valet parking and the women’s ever-changing wardrobes of custom-made robes, called salwar kameez , laced with jewels or gold. The extended families had exchanged hundreds of gifts by week’s end.

Cash was everywhere. Used to ward away evil and wish good luck, it was waved by guests and family members over the heads of the bride and groom, or over anyone in the spotlight.

Baskets heaping with $1s, $5s, $10s and the occasional $100--which were ultimately donated to the temple, or to the musicians if it is a party--blended into the decor like so many flowers, ribbons and balloons.

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Many guests were astonished. “This is beyond my wildest dreams,” George Woodruff said. “I’ve never been to a two-night party, let alone a whole week of them.”

The newlyweds are now staying at the groom’s family home. Swaneel Kalsi will go back to work at his father’s company. He told Indu that she need not work, but she said she may pursue an interest in fashion design.

Still more parties loom in the next few weeks before they take off for their Hawaiian honeymoon. And afterward, they have no immediate plans to live on their own. “We believe in staying with family,” Swaneel Kalsi said.

His wife’s family will remain in Huntington Beach until the end of August. When they return to Hong Kong, they must start preparing for the February wedding of Indu’s sister.

“I have to get back to work,” Harjit Ahluwalia said, “and build up the next dowry.”