In Favor of Early-Warning System

Bill Engvall thinks stupid people should wear a sign that says “I’m Stupid” so the rest of us don’t have to waste our time dealing with them. Here, from his act, are a few of prime candidates:

* “I pull into this gas station with a flat tire and the attendant asks, ‘Tire go flat?’

“ ‘Nooooo. Hell, I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me.’ ”

* “My wife and I moved from Texas, and our house was full of boxes. My friend comes over and he goes, ‘Hey, are you movin’?’ I said ‘No. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes.’ ”

Meanwhile, he is amazed by the warnings found on some products:

* A few years ago he noticed a “Do Not Take Internally” warning on a can of carpet cleaner. “You gotta wonder. Is someone out there cleaning his carpet saying, ‘Little bit for the carpet, little bit for me?’ ”