The Birth of a <i> Fabulous</i> Ad Campaign

News item: In the wake of scathing criticism, executives at Calvin Klein Inc., announced last week they would pull an ad campaign for jeans featuring young models in various states of undress. In some of the shots, models posed with legs spread apart, underwear showing. Critics, who ranged from conservative religious groups to children’s advocates, complained the ads looked like child pornography.

Not to be too cynical, but here’s how we imagine the campaign was born:

The scene: A conference room in the Seventh Avenue headquarters of a major American fashion designer.

The players: The designer, a celebrated photographer and the creative director of the firm’s in-house ad agency.

The subject: How to revive sluggish sales in the designer’s jeans division.

Designer: OK, guys, this time we really need to pull something out of our hats. Jeans sales are as flat as Kate Moss. I haven’t redecorated my beach house since our last perfume launch and you know what that means.

Photographer: What?

Designer: It means my name has not appeared in Architectural Digest, except on store credits for sheets and towels, for way too long.

Photographer: That’s a problem?

Designer: The worst. What am I supposed to talk about at dinner parties? The fabulous homes of other fashion designers, like Donna Whatshername? I’m sick of Donna. Donna. Donna. Donna. Why don’t they talk about me any more?

Creative Director: The point is, we need buzz. And if it doesn’t come naturally, we have to make it happen. But we have to make it seem like we didn’t make it happen.

Photographer: Hell-lo. Can we talk about the new jeans campaign? My meter is ticking here.

Designer: Right. OK, this is how I see it: I don’t want my name on anything that isn’t going to make waves, OK? It’s got to be the height of fabulousness, beyond the height of fabulousness. Let’s talk about my other fabulous campaigns for a minute. Then I can stop obsessing on Donna.

Creative Director: Let’s see. Our first major success was the campaign we did with that kid with the eyebrows. She played an underage hooker in that movie that was censored in Canada. She implied she wasn’t wearing any panties under her jeans?

Designer: Oooh boy. I remember. We got unbelievable press on that one. Sales through the roof. Teen-ager, I like. But this time, we gotta have underwear.

Photographer: Teen-agers. Check. Underwear. Check.

Creative Director: Then we had that avant-garde, Bergman-y campaign for the fragrance. What did we have the guy say? “If I were a transsexual and you were a bra, I would never take you off.” Something like that. “Saturday Night Live” spoofed it.

Designer: Yeah, that hurt my feelings at the time, but it was great for sales. And nobody talked about Donna that whole season. Anyway, forget highbrow. We’re talking jeans here.

Photographer: Right. No highbrow. So, we’re going for lowbrow, a little cheesy, maybe?

Designer: Not cheesy. But not fancy. Plain. Normal. Teen-agers hanging out after school.

Photographer: In their underwear?

Creative Director: We could shoot somewhere that looks like, I don’t know, the rec room you had when you were growing up?

Photographer: Mine had that crummy fake wood paneling.

Creative Director: I like it!

Designer: Good. Good. Good. Very un-Donna. What else?

Creative Director: Well sex, of course. Sex still sells. Indirectly. We launched that whole crotch-grabbing trend when we put that rapper in his underwear on all the bus stops.

Designer: Did that tick people off?

Creative Director: Oh definitely. Tons of press.

Designer: How are we gonna do that again? Aren’t people kind of shock-proof these days? I mean, you have to get really out there to stir up any kind of interest.

Photographer: How about using models that look underage? Kids all have the same fantasy. They all want to be in porn flicks.

Creative Director and Designer: They do?

Photographer: Man, are you people out of touch. We could do, you know, like, pretend porn auditions.

Designer: Are you nuts? That is brilliant! Donna will die! I’m already drowning in a sea of ink!

Creative Director: Could be dicey, though. We’d have to act surprised when people get upset.

Designer: Don’t we always?

Creative Director: I guess we could pull a Michael Jackson.

Photographer: Huh?

Creative Director: When Michael Jackson was accused of anti-Semitism, first he said people misunderstood him, then he apologized and recorded new lyrics. By that time, he already had 2 million CD’s with the old lyrics in stores!

Designer: And publicity up the wazoo. Eat your heart out, Donna baby!