Buckeyes Sight for Sore Eyes

Now that USC is confirmed for the Rose Bowl, I think most of us here in California can agree on one thing.

We hate Ohio State.

It isn’t personal. We have nothing against the city of Columbus, the coaching of John Cooper, the running ability of Eddie George, the tuba tooting of the marching band or the colors of the Buckeye uniforms, even if they are red and gray, the color of road kill.

No, Ohio State is 10-0 and deserves our respect.

I wish we could give it some. The fact is, however, that Ohio State is so strong this season, it is killing Northwestern’s chances of coming to the Rose Bowl to play USC, an event that happens with the regularity of Halley’s comet.

I could wait for Northwestern to have another shot like this, but I frankly can’t be sure that I will still be alive in the year 2095.

We need Ohio State to lose one.

Only one. Doesn’t have to be by much. Couple of points.

That way, we could have a happy New Year’s. We could have Wisconsin, Oregon and Northwestern in consecutive Rose Bowls, proof of the fact that hell had officially frozen over.

Who’s next--Purdue?

Many people thought Northwestern didn’t belong in the Big Ten after it expanded to 11 teams. People even thought that was why the Big Ten didn’t adopt a new name . . . because Northwestern would be evicted like an unwanted tenant, late on the rent.

People were wrong.

Northwestern has come alive, so alive that next we’ll probably see the Wildcats in the NCAA basketball final against UCLA.

OK, sorry. Got carried away there.

Anyhow, if only Ohio State could run out there against Indiana or Michigan and, you know . . . fumble a lot. Drop some balls. Whiff on a punt. Oversleep.

That way, Northwestern could win the Big Ten and we could invite these flying purple people out to Pasadena.

Odds on Northwestern being in the Rose Bowl were listed in Las Vegas before this season at, if I remember correctly, You-Gotta-Be-Kidding-Me-to-1.

But the Wildcats went out and defeated Notre Dame, Michigan and Penn State, exactly as I predicted they would in a newspaper you probably missed. Paper boy probably threw it in the bushes.

Why, oh, why, must Ohio State spoil the party?

Those Buckeyes have a lot of nerve, fielding a team this good. They refuse to lose. This guy Eddie George, the way he ran over Illinois last weekend was something to see. USC’s players better get back to tackling class, or else this guy George is going to trample all 11 Trojans and then steal their horse.

Ohio State is so determined to come to California that the school’s top administrator vehemently denied this week that the university was secretly negotiating to sidestep the Rose Bowl so that the Buckeyes could play Nebraska face-to-face for the national championship.

“We are going to the Rose Bowl,” the guy said.

Yes, I guess they are.

Indiana won’t get in their way. As a football team, Indiana is very good at basketball.

And Michigan doesn’t look much better this year, although at least the coach is sober.

So, I suppose Northwestern will go off to the Citrus Bowl or someplace.

We won’t get to see Northwestern in the Rose Bowl, or all the grammatically correct banners Northwestern’s alumni would wave. We won’t get to hear those great Wildcat fight songs, like “Go U Northwestern,” “It’s a Small World After All,” “Misty” and “Chances Are.”

I was reading the other day where Gary Barnett, the miracle worker who coaches Northwestern, has his players listening to an old song called “High Hopes,” the one about an ant moving a rubber-tree plant. I never liked that song much, mostly because I have no idea what a rubber-tree plant is or how hard one is to move.

But I wish Ohio State would move, and I mean aside.

I hate hating Ohio State. Ohio State never did any harm to anybody, except when Woody Hayes whacked that kid.

Just the same, if you Buckeyes are dying to go off and play Nebraska, it’s OK by us. You’re excused.