COMMITMENTS : Complaining Can Be Contagious

Complaining is often contagious, says Robin Kowalski, a Western Carolina University researcher. After one person complains, she says, a domino effect often occurs. One-upmanship may be one explanation.

* Some complainers have motives other than expressing dissatisfaction or altering another’s behavior. “Complain about the food in a restaurant, and people think that you really are discriminating in your taste,” Kowalski says. Complaining about the weather is often just a way to open conversation. Joining in on a complaint against another person, even when you don’t agree with the complainer, may be a tactic to get the complainer to like you better.

* Complaints tend to increase when we feel out of control in a situation, says Marilyn Ruman, a clinical psychologist in Encino and Beverly Hills. “It’s an illusory way to gain control,” she says.