Paddling Is a Blow to Family Values

“I heard the fire engine whistle blow, and then the dishwasher broke. Now I know that fire engine whistles break dishwashers.” The first time I heard this illogical piece of logic, I chuckled. It came to mind again in recent weeks, with the ongoing debate connecting paddling youth and the end of youth violence and vandalism. In my mind, the logic in the latter is equally flawed.

The good news is that the two paddling bills under recent discussion failed to be approved by the California Assembly. The bad news is that the problem of youth violence and vandalism is still very much with us. Our challenge is to work together as a community, to find real solutions for the root causes of these serious problems. Failure to do so will result in yet another generation of troubled youths.

I do not believe the solutions that seem to be eluding us are really so far away. I think we must go back to basics, to things we know worked in the past, and try once again to capture their essence. I also believe that we need to turn to our kids for help with this question. Not all youths have become delinquent. Let’s talk with those who haven’t and find out what factors made a difference in their lives, so that they made better choices. We also need to listen to our parents, who repeatedly, in survey after survey, tell us that they need help with parenting skills. Equally important, let us not ignore research. A great bank of information points us toward effective methodology.

The Child Abuse Prevention Council of Orange County believes that values and morals are taught most effectively in the home, by parents. Children who do not learn these at home are more likely to misbehave. Most parents know this to be true, and yet many keep telling us that they do not have the tools to do the job effectively. Solution No. 1: affordable, accessible and effective parenting classes to assist parents in developing these skills.

Discipline of children must be designed to teach honesty, integrity and respect for people and property. Rather than having a knee-jerk reaction to avenge an act of disrespect or property damage, we must focus on what we want discipline to achieve: an establishment and a strengthening of a person’s internal moral compass, to act in a certain way because it is morally right to do so, not just because we fear the consequences. How do we hope to teach children to be respectful and nonviolent if we perpetrate violence as part of the lesson plan? Simply put, violence begets violence. Therefore, those who would eliminate violence from their community must not condone or practice violence in any form.

There has been much talk about family values. The decline or lack of family values is touted as a cause of community decline and violence. Perhaps it is we as communities who have failed to value the family as our foundation. Valuing families just may be the key to eliminating or greatly reducing the incidence of youth violence and vandalism.