Multicultural Manners : Wedding Reciprocity

American-born Lydia falls in love with Korean-born Seong and they plan to marry. They decide on a small wedding and announce this to their parents. Lydia’s mother and father are content with the arrangement, but Seong’s father becomes upset.

What went wrong?

In Korea, Seong’s father had attended many weddings, where it was customary to present generous cash gifts to the wedding couple. Seong’s father happily participated in this ritual with the understanding that one day his gifts would be reciprocated at his own son’s wedding celebration. Seong and Lydia’s decision to have a small wedding meant that most of the father’s friends would be excluded. Consequently, the couple would not receive the large sums of money that, according to Korean custom, Seong’s father considered due him.

This practice is common. At weddings, Samoans living here and in the South Pacific present valuable hand-woven fine grass mats to wedding couples. These are symbols of Samoan tradition and wealth that the bridal couple keeps for many years. Later they present them to other Samoans being paid tribute at wedding or funeral rituals. Thus, the wealth recirculates within the commuity.

Reciprocity is implicit in all gift giving. In something as simple as inviting someone over to one’s home for dinner, there is an expectation that the invitation will be returned.

Norine Dresser is the author of “Multicultural Manners” (Wiley, 1996). Contact her through Voices or by e-mail at <71204.1703@compuserve.com>.