WEEDS OF GOLD: Smoking foe and county...

WEEDS OF GOLD: Smoking foe and county treasurer Harold Pittman would like to go along with the American Medical Assn.’s directive to divest tobacco investments (A1). . . . But for the $1.3-billion county pension fund, which Pittman administers, “it’s not that simple.” Most of the big tobacco companies also own other businesses. Philip Morris, for example, peddles not only Marlboro but also Post Raisin Bran and Jell-O. . . . Plus, it’s great stock. “Our overall position,” Pittman said, “has been to get the best return we can.”

SANTA WHICH? It just . . . disappeared. In the last month, California 126 ceased being the route to Santa Paula for Ventura Freeway motorists. Now, all the road signs say Santa Clarita. . . . State Department of Transportation crews updated the signs at the interchange to meet three new criteria: show the road’s route number, direction and “where it ends or where the next major city is,” said Dave Servaes of Caltrans. So for Santa Paula, consult your map.

BIG PYGMY: After 12,800 years in one place, a few months away seems like a big deal. So they’re planning a party to welcome back the remains of a pygmy mammoth unearthed on the Channel Islands and shipped to South Dakota for study. . . . The Santa Barbara Museum of Natural History will house the little oddity (B1), and director Robert G. Breunig plans a blowout May 19. The Camp Mammoth exhibit will make its debut with a live baby elephant, crafts, music and food. . . . “We’re calling it,” he said, “a mammoth homecoming.”

LOFTY PRINCIPALS: OK, so they’re just in kindergarten, first and second grade, right? So you make a bet that you’ll get up in a cherry picker and read stories to them for some ridiculous period--say, 12 hours--if they can read for, oh, a million minutes. . . . HA! They can’t even read in kindergarten, can they? . . . At Mountain Meadows School in Moorpark, they apparently can. Today, Principal Del Carbine will be holding up--way up--his end of the bargain from 8:30 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. “He’s going to have to come down to go to the bathroom,” PTA mom Beth Grasel said, “I guess.”