A Sobering Subject for Parents of Teens

Teenagers will lie and sample the forbidden on the sly, parental just say no policies notwithstanding. That theory led Dodie McCarthy to occasionally allow her son, then just out of high school, to party with friends in-house and under supervision with a meager beer supply.

“If he was going to drink I preferred that he did it at home so he wouldn’t drive,” says McCarthy, 41. “His friends who drank had to tell their parents, give me their car keys and spend the night.” Her son is now in college and showing no signs of irresponsible drinking conduct.

McCarthy’s rationale is not anomalous. Roughly two-thirds of the parents of 9,600 10th-graders have allowed their children to drink at home, says a 1994-’95 study conducted by the Johnson Institute, a Minneapolis-based research center dedicated to alcohol and chemical abuse prevention.

Most alcohol educators, however, espouse a zero-tolerance policy. Parents who have a lenient attitude toward drinking put their children at a higher risk for alcohol abuse than those who take an unequivocal stand against underage imbibing, experts say.

“There are no guarantees in these approaches, but the odds a child will have a problem with drinking triple if their parents allow them to drink,” says prevention specialist David Wilmes. Also, he says, “If you say I will let you drink wine coolers if you don’t drive, they drive. Where we set the limits, kids push one or two steps beyond.”

Temple University psychologist Laurence Steinberg, principal researcher of the influences that affect academic performance and other behaviors of 20,000 high school teens, found that when it comes to the parents versus peer tug of war, it’s no contest.

“We found that having friends who use drugs and alcohol is more powerful than having parents who do the wrong things,” says Steinberg, co-author of “Beyond the Classroom” (Simon & Schuster, 1996). “Early influences probably are more parental, but once the child is immersed in the peer group what goes on there is very important. If a child has a parent who isn’t using, but friends who are, then the friends will have an effect.”

But while nine out of 10 parents believe that peer pressure is wholly responsible for a child’s alcohol use, Steinberg and other researchers claim that parents bear some responsibility. “Parents have to be willing to say, ‘No, you can’t go to spring break,’ ” says Wilmes, author of “Alcohol Is a Drug Too” (Johnson Institute, 1995). “Teenagers say every other kid gets to have a hotel room and rent a keg for their graduation party and every other kid has wine coolers at her 16th birthday party. We are letting our children participate in high-risk moments.”

Also, while teens learn from their peers how and when to use alcohol, Steinberg says they also appropriate parental drinking styles.

“Children who witness adults using alcohol or drugs to cope learn to use it that way,” says George Marcelle, spokesman for the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ Center for Substance Abuse Prevention. “If Dad watches a game on TV with a six-pack, he may not be an alcoholic, but the message that you can’t enjoy sports without drinking is there. If each time Mom invites neighbors over she serves cocktails, it tells children you can’t socialize without alcohol. It creates certain norms in use.”

In families where there is no drinking, parents can tell their children that some people use alcohol moderately. “Kids in families where there was absolutely no drinking are at some degree of risk, especially if they find themselves in a fraternity or the military,” says Robert G. Meyer, a University of Louisville psychology professor. Young people with no experience of drinking should be aware that alcohol is not always used as in those heavy drinking milieus, he says.

Parents should be aware that boys drink more than girls and that there is a downward trend in the age at which children try alcohol--27% of students who were seniors in 1975 reported first using alcohol in the eighth grade or earlier compared to 37% of 1993 seniors, according to the Johnson Institute’s Monitoring the Future study, which has tracked teen drug use for 21 years. Peak ages of initiation now are grades six through nine.

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Attentive parenting is important in preventing alcohol use. A 1995 Carnegie Council report on adolescence concluded that children 10 to 14, a time when they are naturally prone to experimentation, are increasingly left unsupervised while simultaneously being subjected to rising pressures to try drugs, alcohol and sex.

“Most families have two parents working, there is an increase in single parenting, increases in work pressures requiring longer hours, and all that has led to a far less cohesive family,” says Guy Doyal, a professor of educational psychology at Wayne State University in Detroit and a consultant to Century Council, a nonprofit alcohol prevention group.

Helping teenagers to plan their lives as they approach adulthood is also helpful. Researchers still aren’t sure what predicts problems with alcohol, but there is some connection between a teen’s sense of direction and a diminishment in drinking. The Monitoring the Future study found that one-fifth of seniors reported getting drunk once a week, but that for some, alcohol use tapered off after they turned 21. “Kids who have a plan for the future are the ones whose drinking drops off,” says John Schulenberg, a developmental psychologist who was a researcher on the study.

Following is a list of tips on how parents can influence their children’s attitudes about drinking.

* Approach the subject during a “teachable moment.” The scariest one is when you have a glass of wine and your child asks why. Explain there are things adults can do that children are not allowed to do because it would be harmful. Explain that you enjoy a glass of wine or two with dinner and that you limit yourself because alcohol is a drug.

* Point out that the reason the law prohibits drinking under 21 is to protect young people from harm. Explain that the greatest cause of death among youths 16 to 20 is alcohol-related traffic accidents. Add that children are not physically or emotionally able to handle the effects of alcohol and that it has a stronger effect on children.

* Make it clear that you do not approve of underage drinking and that there are negative consequences for breaking the law. Explain that strict laws against driving under the influence are enforced by police.

* Help your children practice ways of saying no to alcohol in mock situations where friends may try to entice them, and remind them that the majority of kids are not drinking.

* If there is a history of alcoholism in the family, explain that this means alcohol’s effects will be even more potent for your child and that when they turn 21, they will have to be very judicious about drinking and may even have to avoid it altogether.

* If your child is attending a party, talk to the parents supervising the party and make sure there will be no alcoholic beverages served. It is very difficult for one parent to take a stand when other parents are being permissive, so try to ally with parents who have similar values.

* Tell your child that if he does drink and finds himself without a sober driver, to call home for a ride, adding that there will be no consequences as reward for good judgment.

* Watch your own attitudes toward alcohol. Don’t get inebriated in front of your children and always have a designated driver if you have been drinking. And try not to effuse too enthusiastically over a cold microbrewed beer or a vintage bottle of wine. Quietly revel in its bouquet.

* When your child argues that a friend’s parents allowed her a wine cooler at a family birthday party, explain that it is illegal for anyone under 21 to drink and that you are making a decision in your child’s best interest.

* Instructive videos on how to deal with the subject of alcohol and your child are available. “Ready or Not,” produced by the Century Council, is available as a free loaner at Blockbuster Video stores. Anheuser-Busch Companies Inc. will provide parents a free copy of the video “Family Talk About Drinking” along with a guidebook. To request a copy, call (800) 359-TALK.