Coping With Pressure: Sex and Shopping

* Re “Men Who Stray, Women Who Shop,” Commentary, Sept. 3:

I have great admiration for Xandra Kayden as a scholar, citizen, woman and colleague at UCLA; however, I have found one issue on which we disagree. In her column, she states that men who are unsure of themselves can respond by engaging in inappropriate sexual behavior. She asks, “Do these private crutches matter in the exercise of power?” And she answers, “Yes . . . because they reveal insecurity and uncertainty on the part of the power holder. Organi- zations--society--cannot function when the energy of leaders is consumed with internal needs.”

I say “no”--private crutches do not matter in the exercise of power--as long as they keep them private. I believe that it is internal insecurity and uncertainty that drive people to positions of power. I think what matters is what they do with the power and how it serves the public good. Job performance is what matters to me, one of the public. If we wanted leaders who were void of internal insecurities, we might find no one running for office or striving for success. The need to achieve comes from the need to prove ourselves worthy.

So keep your crutches private! And please don’t tell anyone I’m ending this letter because I need to go shopping.

VIVIAN RICHMAN

Malibu

* Kayden’s column was offensive in its simplistic gender stereotypes. All normal human beings enjoy sexual variety. People have extramarital affairs for excitement, new love experiences and variety. Almost every head of state, king or prime minister throughout history has kept at least one mistress.

Many American presidents have been known to have mistresses. Have they all been painfully insecure and ineffectual as Kayden would have us believe?

Extreme power gives men and women the opportunity to fulfill their fantasies, it does not create the fantasy. Women also crave variety, but their tenuous social positions and their dependency on male emotional and financial approval preclude acting out these instincts. To generalize by citing Tammy Bakker and Imelda Marcos as insecure examples of female shopping compulsion would certainly force us to forget really powerful women leaders, who were as sexually experimental as any men. Certainly, Catherine the Great of Russia and Elizabeth I of England shopped for male lovers, not for shoes.

JOAN DENSON

Los Angeles

* Upon reading Kayden’s piece, I felt so insecure about the persistence of gender stereotypes that I ran right out and bought a man.

What are the criteria you employ to determine if a column is fit to print?

KENDALL EVANS

Marina del Rey