Scrooge trek:Patrick Stewart, who plays the Starship...

Scrooge trek:

Patrick Stewart, who plays the Starship Enterprise commander Jean-Luc Picard in the “Star Trek” TV and movie series, is appearing as Ebenezer Scrooge in a local production of the “Christmas Carol.” Stewart should have no trouble making the transition since the two characters are so similar. Picard and Scrooge, for instance, are both:

* Single

* Workaholic bosses

* Stay-inside types

* Confronted by scary characters

* Beamed from point to point

And, finally:

* Familiar with time travel

Not only that, but when was the last time Picard talked about giving one of his crew members a pay raise?

BAD OMEN FOR TROJAN FANS: Outside the Rose Bowl, Jerry Clark of Glendale noticed that one of the vehicles parked during the USC-UCLA game was a hearse with the license plate LIVNEND.

“I wonder if the occupants had seats in the ‘coffin corner?’ ” asked Clark, referring to the area between the end zone and 10 yard line. Clark also noted that the game took two overtime periods to complete. But, under college rules, both teams get a chance to score during an overtime. So UCLA’s win wasn’t “sudden death.”

SLOW BOAT TO ANYWHERE: Our theory is that the owners of this dry-docked craft in Long Beach painted a warning on the side because the vessel is sometimes mistaken by tourists for the Queen Mary.

L.A. INSULT OF THE WEEK: It was a national promo on ESPN for last Sunday’s football game between the Green Bay Packers and the St. Louis (formerly L.A.) Rams, featuring computer-generated figures. It shows the Packers arriving at the airport terminal, where the public address system tells them: “Welcome to Los Angeles.”

A religious figure in saffron robes greets them. Then, the players realize their mistake and sprint out of the terminal--still another reminder that Southern California has no pro football team.

Sadly enough, the players trample the robed figure on the way out.

miscelLAny

Columnist David Allen of the Victor Valley Daily Press, responding to a suggested merger of Adelanto, Apple Valley, Hesperia and Victorville, asked his readers to coin a name for such a burg. The nominees included South Barstow, Rancho Victor Valley, Via Vegas, Blowininthewind, and Addie-Ap-Hesp-Victobar. Oh, yes, another suggestion was Miscellania. This department of Only in L.A. feels honored.