Do Gay Partners and Parents Have a Place in the Family of Values?
Christmas is traditionally the time of year when families come together, people exchange gifts and Christians celebrate the birth of the Savior. From religious services to family gatherings, most people cherish being part of a family unit. But many nonheterosexuals suffer mixed emotions as they join their parents, grandparents, nieces, nephews and siblings around the Christmas table. Gays and lesbians want to bring their mates into the family not as companions or so-called roommates but as a legally recognized marriage partners. The court case in Hawaii means they may soon be able to. And once legally married, many gay couples will naturally want to adopt children.
Being gay and loving another person is certainly not illegal, but uniting that couple in marriage is not only rejected by most of society but also by Judaism, Christianity and Islam. As a Christian, I am opposed to same-sex marriage and adoption. That being said, I have family members as well as friends--some I have chosen, others who have come out after our friendship was established--who are gay or lesbian. I strongly denounce any person who would reject one of his or her own family due to their gayness. But I also believe that two men or two women who believe that they can be an equal yet alternative family unit, able to raise a child in a disapproving society are simply wrong. Recognizing the marriage of two gays who could next legally adopt is not only harmful to the child but also to society.
My dearly loved cousin and her equally loved lifemate have been together for 15 years. The three of us are very close. We laugh, cry and argue together. They know how I feel, and I know how they wish I felt. Both are loved and accepted and an integral part of the family as we sit around the Christmas table, eating turkey and arguing politics. They would love, I am sure, to be hand in hand, sporting wedding bands. But they know that won’t happen.
Like it or not, agree or disagree, same-sex marriage that could result in the ability to adopt a baby demonstrates not love but selfishness. Knowingly denying a child the fullness of a mother/father team is placing the wants and needs of the adult above what is best for the child. A little girl learns how to be a woman from her mother, but her sexuality can be fully validated only by her father. The opposite is true for a boy.
I don’t believe that gay parents will cause such a child to be gay. But all things being equal, I do believe that that child is being deprived of crucial, necessary two-sex ingredients essential in parenting. That it takes a man and a woman to produce that third person is the most basic proof that a child needs both a mommy and a daddy.
Being gay should never result in being harassed, hated or hurt. But sadly, being gay also should never mean being able to marry or adopt. Everything in life has a price. Being childless is a high price. But a child’s basic needs must always supersede the desires of an adult. Children must always come before self.