And he won’t take it sitting down:This...

And he won’t take it sitting down:

This trial excerpt appeared in Charles Sevilla’s Great Moments column in the L.A. magazine CACJ Forum, published by California Attorneys for Criminal Justice:

Q: Did you receive any injury from the gun going off?

A: No.

Q: Didn’t receive any pain at all?

A: No.

Q: Any numbing or anything like that?

A: No.

Q: Sir, you didn’t have any injuries on you from this alleged struggle?

A: No.

Q: You weren’t injured in any way during this time?

A: Other than having a real bad case of the hemorrhoids.

WHAT--E-MAIL ISN’T ROMANTIC ENOUGH? On a box of candy decorated for Valentine’s Day, Dan Fink noticed that a high-tech phrase has entered the lexicon of love (see photo).

OR UNTIL SUSAN LUCCI WINS AN EMMY: As for the warranty from the Schlage Lock Co. (see excerpt), Hanford Lee says he doubts he’ll be around to take full advantage of it but adds, “the thought is what counts.”

HA, HA, HA: The radio biz has a phrase--”driving the old listeners away”--to describe the sometimes odd programming a station will play just after an ownership change.

When classical KFAC-FM (92.3) became KKBT (“The Beat”) in 1989, the station broadcast nothing but the sound of a heart beating for several hours.

When KXEZ-FM (“Easy 103”) became disco/dance KIBB last year, the move was signaled by several minutes of sounds of machinery moving about, plus periodic announcements that technicians were “changing the equipment.”

The newest kid on the block is Spanish-language KSCA-FM (101.9), which was recently purchased by Heftel Communications. Longtime listeners protested when the old format of news and contemporary rock was discontinued Tuesday.

And on Wednesday? The new KSCA played a laugh track for 12 straight hours.

A spokeswoman acknowledged that some fans of the old KSCA were upset but said the taped yuks were merely a means of introducing comic Renan A. Cuello, the morning personality. “We’re not trying to offend anyone,” she said, though she admitted that the laugh track was a message to the new listeners “that they did find the correct dial.”

Maybe. But we couldn’t tell whether the laughter was in English or Spanish.

THE CONTROVERSY CONTINUES: A TV viewer phoned KMPC radio’s Doug McIntire Tuesday night to charge that the windows of O.J. Simpson’s utility vehicle were illegally tinted and that Simpson was not wearing a seat belt when he drove away from the Santa Monica Courthouse.

miscelLAny:

Adding to our “Duh!” file of product announcements, Pat Nolte of Van Nuys spotted this line in an ad for a key holder/change purse that was pictured with cash and keys: “Cash and keys not included.” You have to watch that small print.