‘Star Wars’ Review: It’s Like Seeing It for the First Time

I went to see the rejuvenated “Star Wars” the other night and left the theater afterward with a surprising realization: I had never seen the original. Considering myself one of the hippest guys around, I wondered how that was possible. How can you see “Porky’s” and “Ishtar” and not “Star Wars”? It’s one thing to have somehow missed “Happy Gilmore,” but by the time “Star Wars” ended its original run 20 years ago, it was the highest-grossing movie in American history.

And since then, there’s been this invention called home video.

Yet, as scene after scene unfolded . . . nothing. My first clue was that I didn’t recognize Luke Skywalker’s aunt and uncle. Total strangers. The fight scene in the cantina didn’t register. Never saw Darth Vader duel Obi-Wan Kenobi. Never saw Luke, Han and the princess in the incredible shrinking room.

Minute by minute, the awkward truth settled over me: Dude, you’ve never seen this flick.

The weird thing is that I knew who all the characters were, knew all the actors, had a general idea of the story line, and have even tossed around the phrase “May the Force be with you,” from time to time over the years. That obviously speaks to the pervasiveness of the “Star Wars” imprint on recent pop culture, but that only deepened my sense of out-to-lunchness.

It’s not necessarily a pleasant discovery to know that everyone else has done something but you. It forced me to think real hard about whether I’d ever eaten a piece of apple pie or had an opinion on the O.J. trial (“Yes” on both counts).

I know it sounds odd to be unaware you hadn’t seen a movie, but honest to God, if someone had asked me beforehand if I’d seen it, I would have said, “Yeah, sure.” My post-movie confession amused and stretched the credulity of my mother, who went with me and joked that she’d probably seen it 20 times.

I think I know how Rip Van Winkle felt. To drive home the point, an associate of “Star Wars” creator George Lucas recently said of the movie in a magazine interview: “For a lot of people, it was a defining moment in their lives. There is a whole generation that remembers where they were when they first saw ‘Star Wars.’ ”

Now, I do too.

I was in a theater. . . . It was in Costa Mesa, California. . . . About a dozen

people were in the theater. . . . I remember it was warm outside and there was fresh popcorn cooking at the concession stand. . . . Yes, it was a Wednesday night in February. . . . In fact, it was last Wednesday night . . . !

Lacks a certain momentousness, doesn’t it?

The natural inclination after seeing a movie is to review it. With “Star Wars,” though, it seems a little unnecessary to trot out observations. Sort of like letting people know the Allies won World War II.

However, I did have this thought: Man, was it loud.

It’s somewhat disconcerting to finally see a classic and have your dominant memory be that it was earsplitting. For the first time in my long moviegoing experience, I covered my ears occasionally to stifle the assault on my eardrums.

Not too cool to say that (and this may mark this column’s official foray into fuddy-duddyhood), but to these tired old ears and eyes, the sound overwhelmed the sight.

My other recurring thought was how remarkable the movie must have looked to people 20 years ago. I’m no movie historian, but I could easily transport myself to 1977 and imagine seeing this strange new movie. More than anything else, I lament missing the experience of witnessing the breakthrough when it occurred.

By today’s standards, the special effects are ordinary. The movie seemed more quaintly delightful than exhilarating but, even to this Wookie rookie, it was impossible to see it as a brand-new movie.

The best I could do was appreciate Lucas’ vision.

No wonder all my friends were talking about the movie back then. Too bad I just stood around, nodding dumbly.

This may be time to trot out the “better late than never” aphorism. At least, I can now say I’ve seen the film and can discuss it at cocktail parties.

Finally, this tidbit: The re-release enabled “Star Wars” to catch and pass “E.T.” as the highest-grossing domestic movie, according to the Associated Press.

But it ain’t over till it’s over. “E.T.” came out in 1982 and we can speculate that it will be re-released in 2002 and possibly overtake “Star Wars” again.

There will be no repeats of my embarrassment. I saw “E.T.” and look forward to its 20th-anniversary celebration.

That’s the one with the shark, right?

Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Readers may reach Parsons by writing to him at The Times Orange County Edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or calling (714) 966-7821.