The Unwritten Rules of the Road for Test Drives

Few things in life are as exhilarating as test-driving a Jaguar--feeling $70,000 worth of leather and metal race under your control, your foot gingerly tapping an overly sensitive gas pedal, your eyes giving only passing attention to the bumps, curves and potholes that pose greater problems to the drivers of lesser cars.

Or so I’m told.

I fall in the category of consumer that is generally considered ineligible to test-drive such beasts as Jaguars. It’s not a distinction I’m proud of--in fact, it’s not actually a distinction. Fewer than 3% of the nation can afford Jaguars or Bentleys or other such expensive vehicles, said Jacqueline Catala, a sales consultant for Rusnak-Pasadena’s Jaguar dealership.

And if they think you can’t afford it, most likely you won’t be allowed to drive it, car dealers say. So don’t waste your time.

This ideology holds true whether you’re looking to joy-ride a Humvee or a Honda.

For starters, dealerships demand that potential test-drivers be at least 18 years old and carry a valid driver’s license, as is required by law. But the basic formalities aside, every automobile showroom operates under a discriminating protocol,with rules regarding the treatment of customers and the expectations of dealers.

Many sales representatives call it a “gut instinct,” something they have learned over time through the Darwinistic process of commission sales. They can see right through you, and they can sense if you’re in the market to buy a car or if you’ve just plopped into the showroom because there was nothing good on TV.

“Sometimes you get the people in here who have nothing better to do but test-drive a car on a Saturday morning. Those are the people I push out of the car on the freeway at 65 miles per hour,” said Mike Clements, a sales representative at Longo Motorcars in West Covina, a Mercedes-Benz dealer. “We call those people road kill.”

Life is somewhat longer and more pleasant for the test-driver who is serious about buying a car, Clements said.

But drivers are still subject to basic requirements: As at many other dealerships, Longo Motorcars salespeople must photocopy the customer’s valid driver’s license and ride shotgun.

At Rusnak, drivers are also required to show proof of insurance and current registration before they are driven to the test site, a curvy stretch of road by the Rose Bowl.

“We just do this in case of theft or robbery,” said Jorge Dempwolf, a salesman in Rusnak’s Mercedes showroom.

Longo Toyota in El Monte goes so far as to ask customers to leave a copy of their license with a security guard, a gate keeper who monitors each car that leaves the lot and logs test-drive miles.

These precautions are necessary because test drives can sometimes turn into holdups, said Bud Wegge, president of Wegge Motors in Pasadena.

In addition to the carjackers and the time-wasting joy riders, dealers said they also worry about the accident-prone. Test-drive collisions are rare, but they do happen, dealers said. And unlike other retail businesses, car lots don’t have a “you break it, you buy it” policy; accidents that occur during test drives are paid for by the dealers’ insurance companies.

“I was in one incident with another manager, where one customer ran into another customer,” said Homer Kabir, a new car manager at Longo Toyota. “The people still ended up buying a car--not the one that was in the accident, but a different one.”

Their cars may be insured, but no dealers I asked were willing to let me go for a spin: I look as though I’m under 18, financially strapped and happy with the car I have.

Ironically, the closest I got to a test drive was at Rusnak, one of the toniest places I visited. A media-savvy salesperson offered to allow me to test ride a teal Jaguar XJ8. A convertible.

The car was gleaming, top down, in the middle of the showroom floor. It was the first thing I saw when I walked in and the only thing I thought about for the rest of the day. It was beautiful, and--armed with my driver’s license, registration and proof of insurance--I was going to get to drive it.

Unfortunately, Ronald J. Taylor, president of Rusnak, thought better of the situation and sent me on my way before I could secure the keys.

“We don’t do interviews about our test-driving procedures for any publication,” he said. “We have a certain way of handling our customers. That’s all I’ll tell you.”

Disheartened, I clunked off the lot in my Toyota Tercel. I turned up the volume on my pathetic little radio and hoped--for humor’s sake--that Taylor caught a glimpse of my license plates, a vanity set that reads: “BAD DRVR.”