Victory Sparks Answers

One week into the NBA’s great experiment, we hold these self-truths to be evident:

A tattoo looks every bit as ugly on a woman basketball player as on a man.

So does a pass into the third row.

But no man has ever danced during warmups or paused on the court to pose for a grandmother with an Instamatic.

A week into the WNBA, and everybody has an opinion.

Everybody, it seems, also has a question.

Some answers.

Is the level of play really as bad as it looks?

So far, yes.

Even the Sparks’ 93-73 victory over the Sacramento Monarchs Friday contained 33 turnovers and just one strategy.

The Sparks passed the ball to their 6-foot-8 woman--Zheng Haixia--who could not be stopped by a team with nobody bigger than 6 feet 3.

“I told Haixia that we were playing against short girls, so we were going to have fun tonight,”’ said Sparks forward Heidi Burge.

Lacking all the best women players in the world, the league will struggle with guards who cannot get off their own shots, and fastbreaks that end up in the seats.

So is it worth it to pay either $7.50 or $20 for a ticket to a Sparks game?

Strangely enough, yes again.

As Friday night illustrated, these aren’t games, but old fashioned block parties, with several thousand diverse fans bouncing around the lower reaches of the Forum as if crowding a playground.

The music is loud, the high fives are hard, the smiles are genuine.

Why does the league keep lying about the Forum attendance?

It is not lying about the Forum attendance.

There were thousands of empty seats at the start of the supposedly packed opener last week against New York, but--duh--there are thousands of empty seats at the start of every Forum game.

At halftime Friday, like halftime of the previous two home games, the reduced-capacity house was mostly full.

Do sportswriters get to see the women naked?

This would seem a dumb question, if I had not been asked it a dozen times already.

The answer is, of course not.

The locker rooms are open for 20 minutes after the game. Then everyone leaves and the women change out of their uniforms.

With the exception of a male Sparks employee recently walking in on one half-naked player, there have been no problems.

Because reporters are allowed access to male NBA players in all stages of dress, is this WNBA rule fair?

Yes. Men have less to hide, and can do it easier, and it’s silly that we even have to discuss it.

What is one thing about a women’s game that you will absolutely not see in a men’s game?

Makeup on the court.

Lisa Leslie acknowledged that she, among others, wears lipstick and eyeliner during games.

“It’s something I do every day, whether I’m playing or not, I don’t even think about it,” she said.

Any other things?

Thirty minutes after a game, several hundred fans will fill a lower section. In front of them will be two long tables and two chairs.

Two members of the Sparks will come to those tables, sit down, and sign autographs until they go home.

So far, are there any Sparks players worth waiting in line for?

If you want to teach defense, bring your child to watch guard Jamila Wideman.

On Friday, she held the WNBA’s leading scorer, Ruthie Bolton-Holifield, to just five first-half points as the Sparks ran away early.

At 5 feet 6, she plays defense like a moth plays a light bulb, jabbing and fluttering and frustrating.

Little wonder that opponents have been known to stop, in mid-dribble, and slug her.

“A few chipped teeth, nothing real bad,” she said.

Defense, she preaches, is the one constant in a players’ game, no matter what their size or ability.

“Defense is the one thing you can play for 40 minutes,” she said. “Your shooting will come and go, you may not be bigger or stronger than others, but you can always play defense.”

Aren’t you forgetting somebody?

While Leslie has been the team’s leading scorer and rebounder, she has not played like the best in the world.

In missing 10 of her first 11 shots Friday--and in similar slumps last week--she looks like somebody who needs a long nap.

She seems tired, unable to create, frustrated by zone defenses. The shooting touch is missing. The knack for dramatics is not there.

Could it be that carrying the new league’s torch in constant interviews and photo shoots is wearing her down? Does she need to learn how to say no?

“Yes,” she said quietly.

So are the Sparks any good?

If Leslie finds herself, if guard Penny Toler continues to show imagination on the fastbreak, if Zheng keeps spinning and smiling, if Wideman doesn’t get decked . . . it could be decent fun.

Since when is that no longer enough?