No Rest for Weary Single Mom

It’s shortly after 9 a.m. when Maria Conzelman arrives at a Santa Ana law firm to start her paralegal job. But truth be told, she already has been working for three hours.

About 6 a.m. daily, the resident of Orange quickly gets ready for the office and simultaneously begins her other job: single mother of two daughters, 6-year-old Cory and 2-year-old Cameron.

The life of a single working mom is certainly full, from the moment feet hit the floor in the morning until head meets the pillow at night. Holding down a job, running a household and being a nurturing, attentive parent is daunting enough with two adults to share the home duties. But when only one is in charge, there is no rest.

“It’s hard juggling everything. It’s hard feeling like I’m doing a good job anywhere,” said Conzelman, who divorced earlier this year. It’s difficult to leave the office when there is more work to be done, she said, “but I know I don’t spend enough time at home.”

Each weekday morning, her mommy shift begins when she rousts her daughters from bed, gets them dressed, and sets out their breakfasts of cereal and yogurt. While they eat, she finishes getting herself dressed, then does the breakfast dishes. Interspersed within the routine, the girls may tussle with each other, Cory may hide under her bed to try to avoid going to school, and Cameron might unpack her big sister’s backpack.

After finding her missing daughter, repacking the book bag and righting sibling wrongs, Conzelman piles her brood into the car. (Often her ex-husband will escort the elder daughter to school and Conzelman takes Cameron.)

If both girls are on board, the first stop is Cory’s parochial school, where she is in first grade. The next stop is Cameron’s baby-sitter, where the toddler will spend the next nine hours. The short ride is noisy but fun. “We sing, we listen to the radio, we talk,” Conzelman said.

When she gets to the office, Conzelman catches her breath, then plunges into her paralegal work for the next eight to 10 hours. Her boss is a lawyer in practice by himself, so there are no other co-workers to pick up the slack or allow for flexibility.

“My boss works late and he expects me to get done what needs to be done,” Conzelman said.

*

When she leaves the office at 6:30 p.m. or later, the day is far from over.

She stops at her ex-husband’s home, a mile from her own, to pick up the girls. He had already picked them up from the sitter’s house, where Cory goes after school ends at 3 p.m. Sometimes he takes them to her house to await her arrival. In either case, the dad makes sure the girls eat dinner.

When she walks through the door, “it’s a lot of ‘Hi Mommy!’ and they cling to my legs,” she said.

Once they get home, the nighttime routine begins. Conzelman helps Cory with her homework, usually math, reading, coloring, spelling and the weekly Bible verse memorization. Next come baths, then bedtime stories.

The girls are in bed about 9 p.m. but about 15 minutes later there are calls for water. Cameron may crawl out of her crib a half-dozen times.

Mommy duties are not done yet. Conzelman packs up Cory’s book bag for the next school day and restocks Cameron’s diaper bag. She packs the girls’ lunches for the next day. She picks up toys and other debris.

Sometimes she eats dinner. Sometimes she doesn’t. She’s in bed by 11 p.m.

Seven hours later, she does it all over again.

*

Conzelman used to work two days a week, which gave her unhurried time with her girls, yet time to enjoy the professional, social and financial rewards of a job. But when she divorced, she had to work full time to make ends meet.

During the workday, she often has to spend some time taking care of personal and household business, setting up children’s doctors’ appointments or straightening out insurance glitches.

“Things are closed after I get off work. I have to do some of that stuff during the day,” she said. When a child is sick, she forgoes work.

Her work obligations mean she is unable to go on school field trips with her older daughter, or to help out in the classroom.

“I try to cut back on the [overtime] hours, but it never seems to work,” she said. Her boss tells her to take the day off or go home early, but she says she has to work the extra hours to get everything done.

Weekends offer some relief. She has time to clean house, catch up on the laundry and run errands. On the weekends that the girls are with her, she might treat them to a meal at Chuck E. Cheese’s, or a short excursion with friends.

When the girls spend the weekend with their father, Conzelman will spend time with friends or sometimes go out on a date. Or some nights she will stay home alone to read, listen to music or indulge in a bubble bath.

This is not how she envisioned motherhood and career would be.

“When I was married, I worked part time. It was the perfect balance. Now I feel like I rush, rush, rush just to get through the day.”

When she is juggling all of her duties well, the guilt is held at bay, she said.

“But when everything is going bad,” the exhausted mother said, “well, I’m good at guilt.”