Baby Talk Over Bratwurst

It was stogies for everyone on Monday and not just because it was Cigar Night at Schatzi’s on Main, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s eat-and-drinkery in Santa Monica. It was Oktoberfest. And oh, yes. It’s a boy!

It’s a who?

“People are horrified we haven’t come up with a name yet,” said mom Maria Shriver in one of her first public outings since the debut of Schwarzenegger No. 4 two weeks ago. “These days, people have already monogrammed the baby clothing by now.”

Good names come to those who wait. Not that the parents of the bouncing 9-pound, 8-ouncer had a preview of his gender, which would have narrowed the possibilities. “We want to find a name that fits the child,” Shriver said.

Arnold thought that perhaps a good name would be, oh, Arnold.

Not so fast.

“Maria is trying on different names,” he said.

Meanwhile, it was frittatensuppe and steivischer rohrlsalat all around for the 300 Oktoberfesters, who included Gina Gershon, Alicia Silverstone, Dylan McDermott and Ash. The British-born Ash is a practitioner of the burgeoning genre of pocket-change first films that are picked up at film festivals. Ash shot “Bang” for a tidy $20,000, which could explain why he keeps his wallet on a short leash--chained to his pants, that is. In “Bang,” which Polygram is releasing nationally Nov. 7, Darling Norita steals a police uniform and motorcycle and runs around L.A.

“It sounds like a porn film,” Ash said, “but it’s actually an art film.”

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Margaret Thatcher was stumping recently at Christie’s for one of her favorite things--a British-American program to study problems afflicting youth in both countries. An afternoon reception for Thatcher at the British-owned auction house raised $25,000 for two organizations studying spiraling problems ranging from drug abuse to dyslexia--Childrens Hospital Los Angeles and the International Centre for Child & Family Studies in London.

“We thought conditions would get better and problems would diminish--children who didn’t have two parents and a home . . . the problems of children who may have been abused . . . or left alone to look after themselves. That these things happen in our times is appalling,” she said with that Iron Lady-like je ne sais quoi she’s so famous for.

Just because Thatcher still sounds like the prime minister she once was, don’t think the baroness’ tiara doesn’t fit quite nicely these days, thank you. If nominated again, she will not run. “I like being in charge,” she said, “but in life and in politics, I’ve learned never try to go back. It wouldn’t work. So I can give my advice from the sidelines. And I do.”

Before Thatcher stepped onto the sidelines, little Samantha Rifkin in Beverly Hills black--natch--presented her with flowers “from all the children of Los Angeles.”

“That’s wonderful,” Thatcher said. “Have we got a photo?” You can take the politician out of Parliament, but. . . .

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BCBG’s Max Azria didn’t pull off a double-header at Calmart’s California Designer of the Year Awards last week. Not officially anyway. Sure, the paunchy head of L.A.’s mushrooming line of trendwear took home a 1997 Fashion Performance Award. And if he didn’t swing his second Designer of the Year Award--this year’s went to Poleci’s Janice Levin-Krok and Tom K. Nguyen--Azria snagged another, particularly tasty sort of fashion performance award.

“They call me Mr. Double,” he said, “because I double business every year.”

Consumers like him. They really like him.

Of course, it was an evening that demanded one put on one’s top hat, figuratively speaking. Shae Marks, a.k.a. Playboy’s Miss May 1994, came in a Yigael Azroual, courtesy of her escort and Undercover shop proprietor Adam Shaffer, who described Marks’ little number as “a blood-red sexy triple-slit cowl-neck dress.” Ouch.

With two hours to go before the ball, Shaffer realized he couldn’t cart the now-fabulous Marks to the Beverly Hilton in a mere Jeep. So he did what one does. He rented a limo.

Said his People, Kyrian Corona, “It’s the ultimate fashion accessory.”

B.Y.O.L.