With Defenses Down, She Can’t Combat Nightmare
Dear Cynthia: As a child, I had recurring dreams of being in a dangerous situation, with a werewolf or a mummy or something of that nature. I would be running away when suddenly I’d be capable of running only in slow motion, as if I were carrying a lot of weight on, or in, my body. This allowed the monster to get closer and closer.
As an adult, the dream continues to haunt me sporadically. But now the monster is usually someone who breaks into my home during the night or is accosting me in my sleep. One of two things usually happens: Either I am weighed down and cannot run away at an adequate speed to escape the assailant, or I pull out a gun and try to fire it, but it jams or won’t work for other reasons.
These dreams leave me shaken for the rest of the night. They also reflect several real-life experiences when I have found myself in harm’s way and been frozen with fear--though in real-life situations where another person, such as my infant son, is in distress, I rise to the occasion.
--SALLY REED
Los Angeles
Dear Reader: Children often dream of monsters. They show up from under the bed or from inside the closet--any dark, unknown place. Children often feel very vulnerable, incapable of warding off danger. Any stimulus--a scary movie, a Halloween costume, even a spicy or heavy meal--can trigger this kind of dream. Monsters can symbolize any situation over which we don’t have control. Something can appear ugly and scary as a result of our inability to identify and take control of it.
Since your dream has continued into adulthood, you still feel that you are not always in control of your environment or situation. The heavy feeling of being weighed down represents an emotional or psychological burden you apparently are carrying, which is slowing you down and confusing you as to what kind of action to take. Someone breaking into your home symbolizes an invasion, a threat to your safety. Someone accosting you in your sleep reflects vulnerability.
The home can be symbolic of your body. This further suggests that you are carrying the “monster” within you. Your negative or fearful thoughts can strike at any time. Even when you have a gun and the presence of mind to use it, it won’t help you. Your weapon is ineffective against the bad guy.
Since you actually have experienced some scary incidents, I would suggest a self-defense class. Not only can this offer very real and valuable techniques for protection, but it also can give you useful psychological security to help conquer self-doubt and slay that internal monster. Remember that you are fully capable when it comes to defending others: You are valuable, worthy and important. Your life is worth defending. Give yourself the same defense that you would give those you love.
*
Dear Cynthia: I was in a well-lit room with no windows. On one wall, there was a door with a dead bolt, the type that has a keyhole on one side and a small knob on the other, the knob side facing into the room. The door was cracked open a little. Suddenly I heard a terrible, bone-chilling scream from the next room. It was my wife, being eaten by a monster, perhaps a dinosaur.
The screams are what I remember most about this dream. They were horrible. I reached for the door intending to save my beloved wife--but suddenly it closed and locked. I scrambled toward it, I knew I could unlock it, but in my state of panic I fumbled with the knob and couldn’t get the door open. The whole time I was hearing those horrible screams! This dream has haunted me ever since I had it.
--DANIEL JONES
Altadena
Dear Reader: Your nightmare reflects the frustrating reality that you can’t always protect your wife. Loving husband that you are, you would like to protect her at all times from harm or pain, and it haunts you that you can’t always be close enough to do that. She is separate from you, experiencing her own life. You worry that you will make some little fumble that will have a major effect on her.
Being eaten by a monster is symbolic of being consumed by horrific things, such as huge work pressures or demanding schedules that threaten to zap her life force. If she is indeed screaming for help, take a nice walk with her and ask if there are ways she would like to be supported by you. Then check to be sure you are doing all you can to be the husband you want to be.
*
More on Nightmares: Practically all of us have experienced nightmares at some time in our lives. They stand apart from other dreams because of their vivid, scary, threatening or violent images. They can cause our hearts to race; they can shake us up as little else can and make us afraid to go back to sleep.
In ancient times, nightmares were thought to come from evil spirits as punishments. The helpless sleeper would be attacked by guilt and would feel suffocated. The term “nightmare” actually comes from the description dreamers gave of a force the size and weight of a horse, sitting on their chests and preventing them from breathing.
Common nightmare themes include being chased, being attacked by an intruder or victimized by some other criminal, causing harm to another, and natural disasters. Nightmares serve an important purpose: Interpreting them can show what is troubling us on deep levels. Warning of inner conflicts, they can point the way for change.
* Behavioral therapist Cynthia Richmond’s column appears every other Tuesday. To contact her, write to “In Your Dreams,” Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053; send a fax to (213) 237-0732; or e-mail her at cynthrich@aol.com. Please include the name of the city where you live and a daytime phone number. Letters should be no longer than 100 words and cannot be returned. “In Your Dreams” should be read for entertainment purposes only.