Punch Lines

Beetle Reunion: Volkswagen is negotiating with the three surviving Beatles about doing commercials for the new VW Beetle. “Apparently, if you drive the car backward, the radio says, ‘Paul is dead.’ ” (Premiere Radio)

Beetle II: Another Beetle/Beatles accessory: “The car alarm sounds like Yoko Ono.” (Ann Harrison, Daily Scoop)

Weather Channel: Waves clobbered piers and rock slides hammered Malibu as El Nin~o finally arrived. “It was the first disaster in three years that didn’t star Kevin Costner.” (Argus Hamilton)

Before Prop. 103: A hundred years ago, the world’s first automobile insurance policy was issued. “How high were those premiums? Everyone else on the planet was an uninsured driver.” (Jay Leno)

Your Daily Dose of Clinton Jokes: NBC says the president may have had a fling with a flight attendant on Air Force One. “When Clinton said he wanted to be frank with the American people, we didn’t know he meant Frank Gifford.” (Daily Scoop)

Survey Says: The president’s approval rating is up to 73%. “But a lot of the bounce is just the public’s fear of having to listen to Al Gore for three years.” (Michael Feldman)

Survey II: Another poll says 72% think the scandal is getting too much media attention. “The remaining 28% are comedy writers.” (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Survey III: “Thanks to a strong economy, 73% of Americans view the president as King Midas. The rest see him as the emperor with no clothes.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

DOA on the DNA: Monica Lewinsky’s dress came back from the crime lab with no DNA on it. “Clinton was so happy, he went over and thanked Dennis Fung personally.” (Cecera)

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The Stunt-Double Top 10 List:

Comedy writer Steve Voldseth’s top 10 rejected names for a TV movie of the week based on the Texas execution of killer Karla Faye Tucker:

10. “Grace on Fire”

8. “Caroline in the Electricity”

6. “Murphy Browned”

1. “Suddenly Fusion”