Punch Lines

Back to Our Old Habits: Kenneth Starr’s investigation is still rolling along. “How many would rather get rid of Starr and just have Bill, Hillary, Monica and Paula all go on ‘Jerry Springer’ and throw chairs at themselves?” (Jay Leno)

Clinton II: At the White House, Barbra Streisand and fiance James Brolin attended a dinner for British Prime Minister Tony Blair but weren’t allowed to spend the night because the Clintons have a new rule that unmarried couples can’t sleep together there. They feel it would give the White House a bad image. “Does the White House have any image left at this point?” (Leno)

Non-Clinton Joke Section: “Have you seen that Ensure commercial where the little girl is sitting on a bench with an old man and she says, ‘Grandpa, can I marry you?’ At first I thought it was a TV movie about Woody Allen and Soon-Yi. (Leno)

Coma Chameleon: A recording of German racer Michael Schumacher’s voice is credited with bringing an Italian fan out of a coma. “A recording of Kenny G is being blamed for putting the man in the coma.” (Olympia Daily World)

Flew the Koop: Former Surgeon General C. Everett Koop has turned down an offer to be buried at Arlington National Cemetery. “Koop said, ‘It’s a nice gesture, but I’m still alive.’ ” (Conan O’Brien)

Toy Story: An annual international toy fair is being held in New York City. There’s a computer version of the board game Monopoly. “It’s called Microsoft.” (Alan Ray)

Gated Community: While visiting Brussels, Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates was hit in the face with a cream pie. “Gates took it gracefully. He immediately bought Brussels and had everybody deported.” (Premiere Radio)

Cafeteria Terror: In Utah, a high school student with a gun attempted to take over the school’s cafeteria. Afterward, students told reporters it was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to them in the cafeteria. “Unless you count Sloppy Joe day.” (Steve Voldseth)

Clone Call: Calling it “scientifically dangerous, morally unacceptable and ethically flawed,” Sen. Ted Kennedy introduced a bill to ban human cloning. “Or maybe he was talking about Clinton and the Kennedy family.” (Mark Wheeler)

Box Office Update: The movie “The Replacement Killers” opened recently. “First in line at the theater: O.J. Simpson.” (Joshua Sostrin)

* SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.