A Failing Letter Grade for the Postal Service

Robert Finsten of Palm Springs gave a Christmas gift to his postal carrier and later received a thank-you note in the mail. A torn thank-you note. Stamped: “Damaged in handling by the Postal Service.”

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ANGELENOS ON THE ROAD: Jack Collins of Duarte says he has seen numerous “Bridge Ahead” signs but never a “Bridge Behind” sign until a trip through Imperial County on the way to Centinela state prison. (A “Bridge Behind” sign would, after all, seem to hold little interest for drivers who had gone over the thing, except perhaps for those trying to learn English via road notices.) Anyway, inside the prison, Collins was told that “the signs were a make-work job” for the inmates.

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WAITRESSES SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS . . . : Bob Halff of Beverly Hills swears he ordered a small tomato-and-lettuce salad in a restaurant, only to be told by the waitress, “Sorry, we have no small tomatoes.”

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. . . SO DO CUSTOMERS: Steve Urbanovich of Burbank has a story to match the one told here about the 5-year-old boy who was asked in a restaurant to specify how he’d like his hamburger done (“In the oven,” he replied).

Urbanovich recalled his 6-year-old son’s first exchange with a waitress. The lad ordered eggs for breakfast and was asked, “How do you like them?”

The boy responded: “I don’t know. I didn’t eat them yet.”

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VANITY PARADE: The DMV has created a Web site listing all environmental (or vanity) license plates (http//plates.ca.gov). As you may know, one of the biggest boosts to the sales of such plates was the O.J. Simpson slow-speed chase.

Consider these vanity messages, most on white Ford Broncos, I’d guess:

* AINTOJS

* ISNOTOJ

* ISNTOJ

* ISNTOJS

* KNOTOJ

* KNOTOJS

* NOTOJS

* NTOJ

* NTOJS

* OJSNOT

* OJSRIDE

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IF THAT ISN’T A POKE IN THE EYE . . . : Regarding the discussion of movies that are retitled in foreign countries, film historian Lee Harris reports that “when the Three Stooges were touring the British Isles . . . a theater owner in Dublin explained to them that their name would appear on the marquee as ‘The Three Hooges.’ Among men in Dublin, ‘stooging’ meant having an illicit affair with a girl.’ ”

A marquee that said “The Three Hooges”? Reads like something mishandled by the Postal Service.

miscelLAny:

William Mann, author of a coming book on Hollywood interior designer William Haines, writes in Buzz magazine that actress Joan Crawford asked Haines to replace the toilet seats in her house after each of her three divorces. Mommie weirdest!