Count on English to Spice Up a Story

Eager to leave his troubles behind for a spell, David Beckham took the first Concorde out of town, the space shuttle being unavailable.

His destination: New York City.

His great wish: to go underground, to go undercover, to go unnoticed in the crowd for a while after becoming the undisputed antihero of this World Cup for leg-whipping Argentina’s Diego Simeone and drawing the red card that effectively ended England’s chances of winning the tournament.

His grand plan: to lay low with his fiancee Victoria, also known as Posh Spice of the Spice Girls, thereby ensuring his privacy and anonymity.

Poor Beckham. It took the English 12 years and 120 minutes to find a soccer villain to surpass Maradona on the pedestal of Most Reviled, but, Spice Boy, did they ever find one.

From the Sun in London: “YOU LET NATION DOWN.”

From the Mirror: “10 Heroic Lions One Stupid Boy.”

From the Daily Star: “What an idiot.”

From England Prime Minister Tony Blair: “I should think no one feels worse . . . than David Beckham does. He is obviously going to have to learn from that.”

From Prince Charles: “It was very sad, wasn’t it?”

From former England great Kevin Keegan: “I look back and cannot find any sort of excuse for him. Nor, I suspect, would he want me to.”

From England’s all-time leading scorer, Sir Bobby Charlton: “He is going to bear the brunt for quite some time.”

From teammate David Batty: “I think David knows he made a big mistake and he’s up against it. That’s not an accusation, it is a fact.”

From former England captain Alan Mullery: “It was petulant and stupid of him and that’s all you can say. . . . I don’t think Beckham will ever get it out of his system.”

From Andrew Herbert, an 18-year-old English student who recently won a Beckham look-alike contest: “I’m steering clear of crowds of skinheads with English flags.”

From the Daily Star again: “Dozy David has ruined our lives.”

From the sanctuary of New York City, Victoria (Posh Spice) Adams pleaded on behalf of her besieged boyfriend.

“He doesn’t deserve to be the most hated man in Britain,” Adams said in a statement. “He more than anyone wanted England to go all the way. . . .

“I am as upset as everyone in Britain. David needs all my support at a time like this. All I want is to be with him. We love each other very much, and it is important to get us through this.”

Interviewed at their home in North East London, Beckham’s parents also took up the cause.

“David’s a brilliant player, don’t forget,” Ted Beckham said. “I hope fans stand by him.”

“Please don’t hold this against him,” Sandra Beckham added. “Remember him for the free kick [against Colombia].”

Unfortunately for the Beckhams, David’s two seconds of mindlessness during Tuesday’s England-Argentina second-round match aren’t going away--not in England, certainly, and not in France, where the World Cup paused for another day Thursday, mulling the red card offense that forced England to play Argentina 10 on 11 for 73 minutes, eventually to lose in the penalty shootout.

Pele talked about it, claiming referee Kim Nielsen was too harsh in his expulsion of Beckham. “I think he made a mistake,” Pele said of Nielsen. “I don’t think he saw the incident properly and Simeone is a very good actor.”

Guus Hiddink, the Netherlands coach, devoted a good portion of a practice session to it--instructing his players, who face Argentina in the quarterfinals, not to be taunted into a rash act the way Beckham was.

“Frustration tolerance, that is the key,” Hiddink said. “Not all of [Argentina’s] players are like that, but we know what the norms are and that the irritation can rise. They can play very sharply and can bring out these reactions. This is one of the things we will be busy with today.”

And Italy Coach Cesare Maldini, after watching Beckham’s ejection lead to England’s elimination in the shootout, held a closed-door practice to drill his team on the crucial science of converting penalty kicks.

It has become the most-discussed play of the World Cup--and if you sneezed Tuesday night at Saint-Etienne, you would have missed it: Beckham, flat on his belly after being leveled by Simeone, angrily reaching up with his right leg and flicking Simeone on the thigh.

Thankfully, the quarterfinals commence today--France versus Italy at Saint-Denis, Brazil versus Denmark at Nantes--which means we can all get on with the business of seeing who advances in this tournament, rather than dwelling on one disgraced player who’s out of it.

Or can we?

Thursday’s edition of the Sun printed excerpts of Beckham’s old school reports under the heading: “David Always Was A Silly B.” If the reports are to be believed, Beckham’s lack of self-discipline in class nearly drove his teachers (pardon the pun, England fans) batty.

“David has the ability but he finds it difficult to concentrate. His attitude must improve immediately if he is to fulfill his potential.”

According to the Sun, that was Beckham’s old humanities instructor talking, not Glenn Hoddle.