SMRTME ANDA LIVN IZZ OVER8ED
Each word is taken from the vanity plate master list issued by the DMV*
JSLKTHT, SUDNLY ITZ SUMMAR
1MOTM ANNDD IPROMSS MYSELF,
DIS1 WILB DFRNT . . .
*
DHOPE: SHOULDI BEA RKLIMBR,
DPCDVR, HNGLDR? 2SURF OR
BNJIJMP? HOWE2 DECIED?
ZE REALITI: CHANL2, CHANEL4, CHNL5
ORR CHANEL9? HOW2 DECIDE?
*
MYPLAN: IRPRSBL MOZART ANND
ESSA PKA ATD HLYWD BOL.
AHHSUMR! HWDL8FL!
MILYFE: YIZZIT EVRY1 HAZZ
ABETR PIKNIK BASKET DANME?
IKANT DLWIDIT!
*
MYTHE: 2GO BAKPAKN BYMYSLF
NTHE HISIERA. IMENSLY SPIRI2L.
FACT: IDO GO2AMUV BIMISLF,
SIT NEXXXXT 2A SNEEZER UND
CNTMPL8 MRDER.
*
IDEALLY: 2GRUV 2DBEAT UV MNDLSS
SUMMMMR OLDEES ONDA RAYDIO.
ACTUALY: “WE PROMIS 2BEAT ANY
PRYCE ORE UR MATTRIS IZ PHREE!”
*
IEXPCT: ON MSLBECH, “WTTABOD!”
IGET: “EEEKK, ITTS DABLOB!”
*
THEDREM: ILLWORK 4ZIP ATA
DAYCAMP FORRE
HOMELIS ORPHANZ.
THTRUTH: IWILLE WORK ONN MYY
TAN WHYL IWORRY IN AVAGUE
WAY BOUT AA FATAL MELNOMA.
*
*For PL8SPK translation, please see Page 38.
(BEGIN TEXT OF INFOBOX / INFOGRAPHIC)
Summertime and the Living Is Overrated
Just like that, suddenly it’s summer one more time and I promise myself, this one will be different . . .
The hope: Should I be a rock climber, deep-sea diver, hang glider? To surf or bungee jump? How to decide?
The reality: Channel 2, Channel 4, Channel 5 or Channel 9? How to decide?
My plan: Irrepressible Mozart and Esa-Pekka at the Hollywood Bowl. Ah, summer! How delightful!
My life: Why is it everyone has a better picnic basket than me? I can’t deal with it!
Myth: To go backpacking by myself in the High Sierra. Immensely spiritual.
Fact: I do go to a movie by myself, sit next to a sneezer and contemplate murder.
Ideally: To groove to the beat of mindless summer oldies on the radio.
Actually: “We promise to beat any price or your mattress is free!”
I expect: On Muscle Beach, “What a bod!”
I get: “Eek, it’s The Blob!”
The dream: I’ll work for zip at a day camp for homeless orphans.
The truth: I will work on my tan while I worry in a vague way about a fatal melanoma.