Falling Hook, Line and Sinker for Aquarium
A visitor strode into Long Beach’s Aquarium of the Pacific carrying what might be considered a weapon by some--especially the inhabitants of the tanks. Luckily, the man, who had apparently come from a pier, complied with the suggestion of security officer Matt Hoard to temporarily surrender the object in his hands: a fishing pole.
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TRASHY SINGER: Tracy Winkler of Cerritos can sympathize with Nancy Zeavin of Altadena, who complained of a mockingbird that imitates car alarms outside her window in the middle of the night.
Winkler also has encountered a feathered mimic “whose repertory of songs is dominated by a ‘beep, beep, beep’ rendition. It sounds very much like the warning sound some trucks make when they back up, specifically trucks picking up curbside trash.”
I would find Winkler’s bird much the more disturbing of the two, inasmuch as I pay no attention to car alarms. But I do have trouble remembering what day to put out the trash.
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UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT: Steven Morris of Torrance found a Caltrans sign on the edge of the Harbor Freeway that, unlike some others that have appeared in this column, was devoid of spelling or grammatical errors (see photo). There was one small problem, though. The sign was on the wrong side of the freeway wall and, hence, hidden from the view of the truckers, with the possible exception of those with periscopes.
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LATEST DUH! AWARD: You wouldn’t need to be a rocket scientist to see the wisdom of a sign that Nancy Stewart of Whittier noticed at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida (see photo).
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OH, DOCTOR! Some memorable lines culled from hospital records, as compiled by Richard Lederer of San Diego in the journal “Annals of Improbable Research”:
* “The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. --- to dispose of him.”
* “Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.”
* “The patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.”
* “The patient is a 79-year-old widow who no longer lives with her husband.”
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PRESCRIPTION FOR SUCCESS? Mike Mayock of Pasadena came upon a furniture ad that seemed surprisingly candid about the quality of the products offered (see accompanying).
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A COMMENTARY ON L.A. POLITICS, 1998: The categories in the L.A. Downtown News’ sarcastic readers survey include: “Best Panhandler,” “Best Sneaky Parking” and “Best Cocaine-Using Council Member.”
Essay questions include:
* “Have you ever had a downtown paranormal experience?”
* “What’s the best story you’ve ever told to get out of work?”
* “What is the scariest monster you have ever seen downtown?”
As for the last question, I’d have to vote for the Frankenstein monster I saw running in the L.A. Marathon one year. Luckily, he didn’t appear to be on drugs.
miscelLAny:
Several readers chastised me for joking that the setting for the song “A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square” was UC Berkeley. I know it’s in England (hey, I have the classic recording by Bobby Darin). In a like manner, Laurel Hall of Whittier suspects that the always-mischievous folks at the 99 Cents Only stores erred on purpose in a Father’s Day ad when they spelled “Niagara” drinking water “Viagara.”
Which reminds me of the written excuse that a South Bay-area student with poor language skills once brought for getting out of school. The reason given for his absence was “Sex.”
