First Commandment in Quake: Stay Calm

In Modern Maturity magazine, actor Charlton Heston relates that when the Northridge quake struck in 1994, “it was pitch dark, and I suddenly realized that I’d lost track of my grandson.” Then, Heston said, “I saw him sitting quietly in the front hall and said, ‘Jack, what are you doing?’ And he said, ‘I’m behaving.’ ”

*

COMMUTER TALES: “I’ve seen people do some strange things while driving but this is the strangest I’ve seen so far,” said Elizabeth Tatum-Harris of Pasadena. “I was driving to work and the man in the car in front of me did not appear to be concentrating on his driving. He had both hands off the wheel and appeared to be combing his hair.”

Eventually, Tatum-Harris realized he was doing something else: “He was shaving his head with an electric razor.”

*

ARE THEY NEAR CUCAMONGA? Looking eastward, a snapshot from Tom LaBonge reminded me that the Inland Empire is growing so quickly I’ve never even heard of some of the newer cities (see photo).

*

FREEWAYLAND: It was three years ago today that this column made one of its biggest goofs. Misinterpreting a sign I received in the mail (see photo), I reported exclusively that the city of Los Angeles was for sale and that the purchaser would be Michael Eisner, who was seeking a bigger parking lot for Disneyland.

*

FINANCE NONSENSE: Few things point up the impersonal nature of society as well as ridiculous notices from institutions. Consider these:

* Allen Sokoler of Woodland Hills received a “notice of insufficient funds” from the Bank of America after he wrote a check for $13. The notice showed his balance at the time was $3,289.80.

* Robert Goodwin of Bellflower got a notice from American Benefit Mortgage telling him that he had been pre-approved for a loan of $43,200 on his property. The property was described as a post office box. (I’m sure it’s a very nice post office box.)

* Thomas Boyd received a water bill from Chino Hills ordering him to pay his previous balance or his service could be disconnected. Previous balance owed: $0.00. (You know, zip, nada, nuttin’.)

* Harvey Geller of Tarzana never got around to cashing his final payment from Rousseau Mortgage of Houston on his Ginnie Mae certificate. Now the check is no longer valid. Then, again, it was for $0.00. Too bad Geller couldn’t have signed over his check to Boyd to pay that water bill.

*

PLATE MOVEMENT (CONT.): In a recent column, I cited some vanity plates that seemed to indicate the motorists had moved here from far, far away.

I saw something devilish in HL2LA, for instance. But Christine Ramhorst writes that it could very well be a reference to Hansestadt Luebeck in northern Germany. Ramhorst is from that area and was kind enough to say that “I enjoy your column, even when I don’t understand everything.”

Several other readers pointed out that the plate OZ2LA no doubt referred not to a fantasy land but to the very real Australia.

And, as for the driver I thought traveled the farthest, the one with the plate that says ERTH2LA, Scott Stewart informs me that Earth is a town in Texas.

*

DID THE OFFICERS YELL, “HEEL”?: Sheree Ingram saw this headline in a suburban newspaper: “Police Find Suspected Car Thief in Doghouse.”

miscelLAny:

You may have noticed that Dennis Peron, founder of a controversial medical marijuana club, is seeking the Republican gubernatorial nomination. Hank Rosenfeld of Santa Monica wonders if Peron’s slogan will be: “Pot in every chicken.”