Punch Lines

Puff ‘n’ Stuff: The White House continues its assault on tobacco, reporting that one in every four 5-year-olds in West Virginia has tried chewing tobacco. “That’s because in West Virginia, you are not allowed to smoke until you’re 6.” (Argus Hamilton)

Si, Se Habla Politics: Republicans say President Clinton’s favoring of bilingual education is due to a misunderstanding. “He thinks it means double talk.” (Stan Kaplan)

Let’s Just Suppose: “There will be no federal money for needles, but President Clinton is pushing suppositories.” (Michael Feldman)

Jiggle Jive: Bill Cosby will speak at USC’s graduation and receive an honorary doctorate for his achievements. “Of course, you must remember that to a USC student, successfully making Jell-O is an achievement.” (Jerry Perisho)

Ode to Arnelle: O.J. Simpson’s daughter Arnelle crashed her car into a wall. “Johnnie Cochran is already warming up for the trial. ‘If she wasn’t real crocked, she must not be locked.’ ” (Alex Kaseberg)

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The Virtues of Viagra

* While Viagra is being hailed as the 1990s wonder drug for impotency, some women are skeptical about its acclaimed results. “As one woman commented, ‘It may heal the sick, but with my husband, I doubt if it can raise the dead.’ ” (Eric S. Fidler)

* “I’m surprised that women aren’t touting the major side effect of Viagra. A man will be forced to make conversation for an hour before the pill kicks in.” (Bill Robbins)

* “A new side effect of Viagra has apparently been uncovered. If you don’t swallow it fast enough, you get a stiff neck.” (Alan Jay Weiss)

* “Did you hear about the 85-year-old couple who honeymooned at Viagra Falls?” (Sheila Winston)

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