Honeymoon Is Over Inc.

If you don’t like your boss or the way he or she is treating you, you can resign and find another job with a more reasonable supervisor. But what if you’re married to your boss?

A woman I interviewed for my book, “Honey, I Want to Start My Own Business: A Planning Guide for Couples,” told me that after months of verbal abuse by her supervisor--who was also her husband--she quit with no notice and within a week was working at a nice salary for someone else.

Remarkably, their marriage survived that ordeal.

Six months later, after intensive marriage counseling, her husband swallowed his pride and begged her to return, acknowledging her true worth to his business after all. She now keeps a typed letter of resignation by her computer as a reminder to her husband not to take her value for granted.

Working for your spouse can be the best thing that ever happened to your business and your marriage, if five key ingredients are consistently present:

* The spouse-employee must want to be there, and enjoy the work that he or she is doing.

* The spouse-employee must be a competent worker, performing at least as well as co-workers, and representing the company well to customers.

* The spouse-supervisor must communicate respect, appreciation and gratitude for the spouse-employee’s contribution, no worse than the way he or she supervises other employees, and hopefully as good or better.

* Over time, the spouse-employee must start feeling a sense of partnership in the business.

* The husband and wife must enjoy spending a good deal of time together.

One of the best examples I’ve seen of a successful husband-wife partnership that started as supervisor-employee is Stephen and Penny McKee, who spend their days running Red Rose Tree & Shrub Care in Salunga, Pa.

Stephen founded the company and is the main “tree guy.” When you hire their services, it’s Stephen who is up in the trees. Penny is the bookkeeper and his assistant on the ground. Though this operation began as Stephen’s business, based on his 15 years of experience, both Penny and Stephen have come to see Penny as a full partner.

Typical of many entrepreneurial couples, Stephen’s business was already established when Penny came into his life. She was working in insurance when they married. Being an outdoor person herself, she envied Stephen’s daily phone calls from the road, where he was enjoying the beautiful spring weather, while she was trapped in an office cubicle all day.

Because some tree jobs require at least two people, Stephen found himself turning down business when he was working solo because it wasn’t always feasible for him to hire a contractor. After a few years of marriage, they took the big leap: Penny quit her job and joined Stephen full time. They hoped that her assistance would help grow the business enough to compensate for her loss in salary.

At this point, Penny and Stephen met two of the required criteria. They loved spending time together, and Penny thought she would enjoy the work environment.

Over the next few years, they met the other three criteria for success as well. Stephen took Penny under his wing and taught her everything he could about trees. He didn’t treat her as just a hired hand, but sought to increase her level of expertise and confidence. Although it was clear that Penny was working for Stephen, he set the stage for making her a full partner in the business, and she did her part to earn that status.

*

“Penny works harder than most of the men who have worked for me,” Stephen said. “When we cut a tree, a new employee would grab one branch at a time and drag it to the truck. Penny would grab as much branches as she could carry at one time, making fewer trips to the truck.

“As Penny became more confident and knowledgeable, I started handing over more responsibilities to her. It took two or three years, but now Penny definitely feels like my partner in the business.”

Penny added, “It means a lot to me that Stephen values my opinion. We both go out on estimates together, individually assess the job, and then come together and compare our thoughts. We’re both usually on the same wavelength; most of the time, we even propose the same price.

“If he’s up in a tree, he’ll ask my opinion--how does it look, what do you think about this? When we get into the truck, he’ll say, ‘You did a hell of a job today.’ I feel appreciated and respected by Stephen.”

*

Stephen recalls with a laugh the day he knew that he and Penny had turned the corner. “After two years of working together, I asked Penny what she wanted for Christmas. I couldn’t believe it when she told me she wanted her own chain saw.

“My friends all said, ‘You dog, you got your wife a chain saw for Christmas?’ They thought I was really buying it for me. But that was what she wanted! That was when I realized that Penny really wanted to be involved.”

It’s not all a fairy tale--Stephen and Penny have their bad days. Stephen has had to learn to let off steam from a job gone wrong without taking it out on Penny. Penny has had to adjust to spending so much time with her husband without feeling crowded.

To expect that you can work with your spouse every day and not experience any tension is unrealistic. But with the right working environment and a special relationship, employing your spouse can be the best thing that ever happened to your marriage and your business.

*

Azriela Jaffe is the author of “Honey, I Want to Start My Own Business: A Planning Guide for Couples” (Harper Business) and “Let’s Go Into Business Together: Eight Secrets to Positive Business Partnering” (Avon Books). She can be reached by e-mail at jaffe@lancnews.infi.net, or visit her Web site at https://www.isquare.com/crlink.htm

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The Partners/Couples Compatibility Quiz

Are you cut out for working with your spouse as a business partner? Take this quiz by Azriela Jaffe, an author and expert on entrepreneurial couples.

Mark each statement with the number corresponding to the appropriate response:

1 -- That doesn’t describe us at all

2 -- That describes us somewhat

3 -- That describes us frequently

4 -- That describes us completely

*

1. We have worked successfully on joint projects many times in our marriage. We enjoy the process and get good results.

2. We value each other’s opinion, and respect and admire each other’s skill. If I was looking to hire a business partner, I would consider myself lucky to acquire my spouse’s talents.

3. I can freely express my opinions to my spouse, even if we disagree. My spouse listens to what I have to say and respects my involvement. We have learned that the best decision is one that considers both of our points of view.

4. We understand that no one is perfect. If one of us makes a mistake, the other is generally forgiving. We apologize to each other when it’s appropriate.

5. We consider ourselves equal business partners in ability, dedication and contribution. Since we have complementary skills, we’re stronger as a team than we are separately.

6. Our motivations for starting the business are similar or in harmony with the other’s. We hold the same values and want the same results from our business.

7. We always knew we would go into business together, ever since we got together. We talked about it even when we were dating. We were just waiting until the right time in our lives to follow our dream.

8. Spending more time together strengthens our marriage. I can spend hours with my spouse without feeling bored or irritated.

9. When conflict arises, we don’t let problems and resentments build between us. We communicate anger and criticism productively, taking responsibility for our own part of the problem.

10. Neither of us needs to be in control all the time. We can share responsibilities and delegate when appropriate. We aren’t competitive with each other or jealous of each other’s success. Neither of us has difficulty sharing the credit for our success.

11. We cope well with stress, individually and as a couple. We don’t lose our sense of humor for long, and we keep perspective in the difficult times. We’ve come through hard times with an even stronger relationship.

12. We know what our expectations of each other are, both at work and at home. We agree on how to divide household and child-care duties and business responsibilities. Both of us are willing to pitch in and do tasks we don’t like to do, just because they have to get done.

13. If we need to find a compromise, we are flexible and willing to discuss the issue until we find a solution that satisfies both of us. We enjoy collaborating with each other and willingly sacrifice total control for the benefits of our team approach.

14. We have complete trust in each other to make sound and well-reasoned business decisions. We don’t feel threatened by any personal relationships that may form as a result of our business.

15. Our commitment to a lifelong marriage is complete and total. We will seek outside help if necessary to prevent our relationship from deteriorating. We wouldn’t continue working together in business if it meant sacrificing our marriage.

16. We both have compatible tolerance for financial risk. We have discussed where our comfort zone is for such risk. We commit to not going beyond the safety level of either

of us.

17. Before we even considered working together in business, we had a great relationship. We believe that the foundation of our marriage is strong enough to withstand the pressures of starting a business together. We look forward to how working together as business partners could strengthen our relationship.

18. Both of us prefer a lifestyle that closely meshes our business, relationship and family life.

*

Add up your scores and check your total to see how you did:

56-72: Destined for success.

Your foundation is strong. Success as full partners is likely as long as you keep doing the things that work so well for you. You’ll experience challenges along the way, but the rewards could be enormous.

37-55: It could go either way.

The potential for success or trouble depends on how you respond to the aspects of working together that challenge you and your partnership. If you capitalize on your strengths and work hard to improve your individual and couple weaknesses, you could strengthen your marriage as well as your business if you go into partnership together.

18-36: Look out! Trouble ahead.

Maybe you are the exception to the rule, but be forewarned of the potential risks of partnering together in business. Work to strengthen your foundation. Raise your score on at least a few of these questions before you risk full partnership. Seek the advice or counsel of an objective third party before embarking on this journey.