Wide World of Weird

War Launched Against Apes: Armed with homemade guns, daggers, spears, sticks and stones, residents of a Nepalese village are set to declare war on monkeys to save their crops from the marauding primates.

“Jaws 4”?: An enormous crocodile devoured a Costa Rican tourist after the man dived into a river to free a stuck fishing line, officials said. Denis Chacon, 24, was killed by an 18-foot crocodile in the Tivives river on the nation’s Pacific coast.

Hookers on Strike: Prostitutes in the southern Turkish city of Adana went on strike this week to protest what they say is constant police harassment. Turkey allows licensed sex workers to ply their trade in approved buildings.

Roach Diner: Cockroaches sniffing out sustenance in the kitchen leave chemical signposts so fellow roaches can find their way to food and water, Florida researchers said. The roaches used their antennae to ferret out food, contrary to the long-held belief that the creatures did not use a sense of smell. “For years, researchers thought cockroaches randomly walked around your house looking for things to eat,” an entomologist said.

Oh, Give Me a Home . . .: Tom and Susie Flenniken figured it could take up to five years to sell their 60-acre horse ranch near Sisters, Ore., so they decided to unload it with an essay contest. Featuring a nine-stall horse barn, a 1,700-square-foot house and six corrals, the $600,000 ranch is an ideal home for any lyrical cowboy. The Flennikens are asking for a $150 entry fee and essays of 500 words or less by July 31. They need 4,000 entries for the scheme to break even. The couple wants to retire to Arizona.

Pseudo Lawyer: Garrett Burris did his best to help a friend beat a speeding ticket but instead brought the heat down on himself. The 20-year-old Virginia community college student hauled a stack of law books and texts on radar detection to court, where his friend was challenging a $50 ticket. Burris grilled a state trooper for about 30 minutes. But during a lunch recess, when a prosecutor questioned Burris, he admitted he isn’t a lawyer. Now charged with practicing law without a license, he faces up to a year in jail and a $2,500 fine. His friend was fined $50.

Anti-$%#@ Law: Colorado Springs, Colo., police have stepped up enforcement of a long-ignored antiprofanity law that the ACLU says is an attack on free speech. The law bans “indecent language” in city parks. Fourteen people were ticketed for profanity last year, up from two in 1996. Violators are fined $25.

News McNuggets:

* The Kia car company of South Korea has decided not to run a car-chase commercial in which a Princess Diana look-alike eludes paparazzi and winks at the camera afterward.

* An adulterous couple in Kenya needed doctors to untangle their love affair after becoming stuck during an illicit liaison, a newspaper reported. Police had to fire tear gas to disperse hundreds of curious people who gathered at a rural hospital to glimpse the love-tied couple.

* At least three people at Russia’s northern Plesetsk cosmodrome are in charge of making sure the name “Tanya” is written on every rocket they launch. It’s considered lucky.

* A lazy Norwegian postman got the sack after he dumped thousands of letters in his cellar rather than delivering them. The man admitted failing to deliver in eastern Oslo after locals grumbled about a lack of letters. Colleagues recovered a stash of about 880 pounds of unopened mail from his basement.

* Wide World of Weird is published every Friday. Off-Kilter appears Monday through Thursday.