Punch Lines

Hillary on the Hill: A Democratic group wants First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton to run for president. “Her slogan: ‘All the policies, none of the sex.’ ” (The Daily Scoop)

Knick It in the Bud: New York City cabbies are talking about a strike. “They’re upset about rules that require drug tests, ban smoking and impose fines for cursing. Who do they think they are? The Knicks?” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Dead Sea Dynasty: Joan Collins is writing a beauty and health book, containing her lifelong tips and secrets. “Didn’t she do that book already? Isn’t that what the Dead Sea Scrolls were all about?” (Jay Leno)

Jury Duty: An Illinois teenager faces a one-year jail sentence for using a rubber band to fling a paper clip that hit a school employee. “Requesting a jury of his peers should buy the boy some time. The students are very busy smoking dope and having sex on campus.” (Jerry Perisho)

Air Head of State: “When asked if he would run for president in the next millennium, Dan Quayle replied: ‘Only if the millennium comes with a side panel air bag.’ ” (Alex Kaseberg)

Boomerang Boy: An 85-year-old Iowa woman has been reunited with her 67-year-old son, whom she hasn’t seen since he was an infant. “The bad news is that he wants his old room back.” (Steve Voldseth)

Take It All Off: Sequel rumors abound about “The Full Monty.” “It’ll be called ‘The Full Monty Hall’ and involve a bunch of men stripping out of carrot suits.” (Paul Steinberg)

Hoopla: “The oldest basketball court was found in Mexico City dating back to 1400 BC. Said one archeologist: ‘They got game.’ ” (Joe Kevany)

Global Motoring: “Thanks to the global economy, you will soon be able to pay for a Mercedes and get a Chrysler.” (Michael Feldman)

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Doling Out the Viagra

Bob Dole took part in the clinical tests for Viagra:

* “A&E; is planning a new series chronicling the sex lives of other famous men who have taken the impotency pill: ‘Viagraphy.’ ” (Bob Stone)

* “Libby Dole said, ‘Thanks, Bob. But you’re still no Bill Clinton.’ ” (The Daily Scoop)

* “Now if Bill Clinton would start taking saltpeter.” (Russ Myers)

* SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.