Smart Aleck

The question May 3: Now that the anti-impotency drug Viagra is flying off the shelves, what other medications would you like to see to mitigate masculine deficiencies?

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Possible future male medicinals: Eyedrops that enable them to see how those comb-overs really look. Beer or snacks with additives that instill a desire to hear and respond to loved ones during sports telecasts.

J. Warner, Riverside

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Most women I know want a pill that will make their man listen, ask for directions and put the toilet seat down. Maybe you could just marry a “gay” man!

Randall Bruce, Los Angeles

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I would like to see a pill developed that would give the male species a more secure image of themselves, so that they need not drive miles out of their way (and in circles, I might add) in order to finally stop someone on the street to ask for directions.

Jay Rivkin, Studio City

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Neosportin: This suppresses the exaggeration of past athletic accomplishments.

Robert Peoples, Brentwood

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If there were a pill for every masculine deficiency, both mental and physical, men would be awake most of the day and night just to swallow them all.

The answer is the IllusionAide, which would be taken by women. A woman would take an incremented dosage to find her illusion/tolerance level. She could hear sweet poetry of love instead of bad language and see a physical specimen to her liking. The garage would be clean and the yard mowed. Of course, this pill would have to be taken for the rest of a woman’s life for it to remain effective. A bargain at $49.95 per daily dose.

Brian Simler, Bakersfield

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Un-Viagra: a flavorless liquid that wives can slip into hubbies’ beer that has the opposite effect of Viagra if they even look at another woman.

Walt E. Hopmans, Santa Barbara

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Sporto-- a preparation that, when dissolved in Lite beer, initiates restless leg syndrome in the male after viewing more than six hours of TV sports on a Saturday.

Donald L. Hager, Los Angeles