YOSMTEE BACPKRS DIARI
Each word is taken from the vanity plate master list issued by the DMV*
DAYE1: HIKNEZE WITH MYOLFRN
FFFROMM JRHISCL, ROBB. TUFLYPH!
FERST WE IBALL BEUTI ITSELF:
DA VASST, XKWZZIT SUNLIT
2OLUMNE MEADOZ. THENN SITDOWN
UNDER AN MPRZZIV CRASHN WTRFAWL.
IM BBAPTZD NDA KOLDE GUSH ANDIAM
HEALD. YEAAHOO! GVMEMOR!
*
DDAY3: THIRTY5 MINITZ B4SUNUP,
AGIANT FYRBAL STREAKZ ACROSS ZEE
HEAVENS! DIS BRILYNT SHOOTN STAR
HAZZ ABIG BLUISH GREEENN TAILE.
ITBURNS LYKEMAD B4 FADING IN THA
NORTH EAST. NATRRLY, WEGOAPE.
*
DAY5: MII KAMERA DUZ JJJAM ANNDD,
UGGH, IGESS I8 SUMBAD GRUBB. I12G0 HOME.
*
DAY7: IMALONE AT SSUNRIZ NEXXXT
TTO ANNNN ALPYNE LAAKE. UPHERE
NO1 SEZ, “PLZHOLD.” NOBUDY GOES,
“WTSDBUZ?” THERIZ NO BUZZZZ ATT
11 THOUSAN FEEET.
*
IGET SOOMUCH FROM WATCHN THEMTNZ
REFLXNS ONDA SURFACE OFD WATER.
IDOIDO HEREBOY DISAVOW ALLL PRIOR
TYES 2ANNIE RELEGEN, KULT ORR
CREEDE. IWORSHP N8TURE. IAM AMISTIK.
*
DAY EIGHT: ICAMBAK 2LA 2HEAR ABOUT
AFREND WHO DIED BECAUZZ DRGSKLL.
YNG, PHUNEEE AND SMART, HISLIFE WUZ
LYKE THE METEOR. IT DYD FLAREUP INDASKY
ANDTHEN END TOOSOON. TTU SOOON.
*For translation of PL8SPK, please see Page 33.
(BEGIN TEXT OF INFOBOX / INFOGRAPHIC)
Yosemite Backpacker’s Diary
Day 1: Hiking easy with my old friend from junior high school, Rob. Tough life! First we eyeball beauty itself: The vast, exquisite sunlit Tuolumne Meadows. Then sit down under an impressive crashing waterfall. I’m baptized in the cold gush and I am healed. Yahoo! Give me more!
Day 3: Thirty-five minutes before sunup, a giant fireball streaks across the heavens! This brilliant shooting star has a big, bluish-green tail. It burns like mad before fading in the northeast. Naturally, we go ape.
Day 5: My camera does jam and, ugh, I guess I ate some bad grub. I want to go home.
Day 7: I’m alone at sunrise next to an alpine lake. Up here no one says, “Please hold.” Nobody goes, “What’s the buzz?” There is no buzz at 11,000 feet.
I get so much from watching the mountains’ reflections on the surface of the water. I do hereby disavow all prior ties to any religion, cult or creed. I worship nature. I am a mystic.
Day 8: I came back to L.A. to hear about a friend who died because drugs kill. Young, funny and smart, his life was like the meteor. It did flare up in the sky and then end too soon. Too soon.